Documentation Jokes / Recent Jokes

Top 20 Things You Won't Hear a Programmer Saying
Oh, sorry. My mistake. I will fix my programming error right away.
IF (what_he_say$=interesting$) THEN BEGIN SET heck:=frozen_over; SET pigs:=airborne; SET me:=Queen_of_Sheba;
GOTO the_top_of_our_stairs; END
So, I met this girl at a club last night...
I think this program should do just what the customer wants, not what we think is "kewl".
I finished the code two weeks ago, I'd just like a little more time to polish the documentation.
Before I start coding, I should find out exactly what this program is supposed to do.
At some point, we have to count on the intelligence of the user.
Microsoft makes all the best programs.
I got into programming so that I could interact with other people. And I really love doing documentation.
My girlfriend said...
Hmmm... needs more testing.
I-I-I t-t-h-h-i-n-n-k-k I-I-'ve h-h-ha-a-d e-e-n-n-ou-gh c-c-c-a-a-f-f-i-i-n-n-e-e n-n-o-o-w.
I've more...

Real Programmers don't eat quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke and palate scorching Szechwan food.
Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand and harder to modify.
Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simpletons who can't read listings or the object code from the dump.
Real Programmers scorn Floating Point Arithmetic. The decimal point was invented for pansy bedwetters who are unable to "think big."
Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working order in "only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.
Real Programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is the hallmark of the novice and the coward.
Real Programmers don't write application programs. They program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for the dullards who can't do systems programming.
Real Programmers more...

- Real Programmers don't write specs. Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.
- Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it is hard to write, it should be hard to read.
- Real Programmers don't write application programmers, they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming.
- Real Programmers don't eat quiche. Real Programmers don't even know how to spell quiche. They eat Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food.
- Real Programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them.
- Real Programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice and the coward.
- Real Programmers don't use FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get more...

Approval Seeker’s Law: Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least. - Washington writer Rozanne Weissman
The Aquinas Axiom: What the gods get away with, the cows don’t.
Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Arnold’s Laws of Documentation: (1) If it should exist, it doesn’t. (2) If it does exist, it’s out of date. (3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws.
Astrology Laws: It’s always the wrong time of the month. - Rozanne Weissman
Avery’s Rule of Three: Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job - it’s the start of a brand new series of three.
Baer’s Quartet: What’s good politics is bad economics; what’s bad politics is good economics; what’s good economics is bad politics; what’s bad economics is good politics. - Eugene Baer (Baer also allows that it can be restated more...

You might have heard this before.
Clinton and Pope died on the same day. Dur to an document error
the Pope went to the hell and Clinton went to the heven.
Then the Pope complained Satan the leader in the hell claiming that
he is not supposed to go there and requested to recheck documentation.
Then Satan contacted God and double checked documents. Then they found
the documentation error and arranged to exchange Clinton to the Hell
and Pope to the Heven. The correction of documents took 5 minutes only.
During the exchange Clinton met Pope in between and shouted at Pope saying "Why the hell you want to go to heven? "
Then Pope replied "I want to see Vergin Mary! ". Then clinton replied
"Then you are 5 minutes late! "

Documentation is like sex: When it's good, it's fantastic, when it's bad...

Arnold's Laws of Documentation: (1) If it should exist, it doesn't. (2) If it does exist, it's out of date. (3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws.