Dinner Jokes / Recent Jokes

Butterball Turkey Talk-Line...
Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls - inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck (''Will it cook faster if I drive faster?''), but some of these come pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen - these are real incidents, true stories - from the front lines!
Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught. After more...

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home."
"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner.
Now I do it in ten..."

4 men - a Marathi, Bengali, Gujrati and our Santa were being interviewed for a top job. With nothing to choose between them, the President told them over dinner that the decisive test would be carried out the following morning, with each candidate being asked the same question and the best answer would get them the job. The next morning, first up was the Marathi. "Here`s your question," said the President, "What`s the fastest thing in the world?" Without hesitation, he replied "A thought, because it takes no time at all." "Very good answer," said the President. Next up was the Gujrati, "What`s the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. "A blink," replied the Gujju almost instantaneously, "cos you don`t think about a blink. It`s a reflex." "Good answer," replied the president. Next was the Bengali, "What`s the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. The Bengali thought for a more...

At a medical convention, a male and female doctor start eyeing each other.
The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts.
As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands. After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom.
Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go in and wash her hands. Once she comes back, they go for it.
After the sexual interlude, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.
When she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a surgeon."
She confirms and asks how he knew.
"Easy, you're always washing your hands." She then says, "I'll bet your an anesthesiologist."
Male Doctor, "Wow, how did you guess?"
Female Doctor, "I didn't feel a thing."

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his flock who had a reputation for being a crummy housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them". He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and shouted, "Here Soap! Here Water!"

GOOFS FOR TITANIC (1997)
Continuity
Jack won his ticket by beating 2 pair with a full house. However, when we first see Jack's hand, he has nothihg that could be made in to a full house, and only draws one card.
Revealing mistakes
A strip of desert is visible between the dock and the Titanic when docked at Southampton.
Anachronisms
Jack claims to have gone ice fishing on Lake Wissota, which wasn't created until five years after the Titanic sank. Jacks claims to have visited the Santa Monica Pier, which did not begin construction until 1916. The pipe frames supporting the third class berths have set-screw speed rail fittings, not developed until 1946.
Continuity
In the scene where Jack is teaching Rose to spit, there is no spit on his chin as he starts to turn around to face the ladies, but by the time he has completed his turn he has some on his chin.
The main characters have lunch in the Palm Court/Verandah on A Deck. These were not used for more...

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal,
his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's
roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between John and his roommate and this only
made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two
interact, she started to wonder if there was more between
John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's
thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just
roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever
since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to
find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose
she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter
just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mother,
I'm not saying you' did' take a gravy more...