Designated Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here`s an idea. Why not combine the designated driver and the designated hitter, so that after the 7th inning the DH drives all the drunk fans home.

A cop decided to wait outside of a local bar one night. Drunk guys came out of this bar at night, like rats from a sinking ship, to drive home. It was closing time, and one guy stumbled out and almost fell on the curb. The drunk tried to unlock five cars before he finally found his. By this time everyone had left the bar. When the drunk pulled out, the cop pulled him over and said, "Sir, get out of he car. You're under arrest for DUI." The cop made the drunk blow a breathalyzer test, and the results were 0. 0. The cop asked, "How can this be?" The guy said, "Because I'm the designated decoy!"

A cop was watching this particular bar known for trouble hoping to catch a drunk driver. he waits a long while before he finally sees a guy comes out. the guy stumbles of the top step and falls flat on his face. he gets up staggers to a car, tries his keys for a while before he realizes it? the wrong car. he staggers over to another car and tries again until he realizes it? the wrong car. this goes on for three more cars before he finally gets the right car, all the while the cop is witnessing this. the cop thinks to himself that he is going to throw the book at this guy. the guy fumbles around for a while with the keys, in the meantime everyone comes out of the bar, gets in their cars and leave.
The guy finally turns his car on, and pulls out of the parking lot where the cop immediately pulls the guy over. the cop pulls the guy out of the, puts the handcuffs on the guy, and reads him his rights. then the cop gives the guy a breathalyzer test, but it reads 0. 00, and the cops more...

Here's an idea.Why not combine the designated driver and the designated hitter, so that after the 7th inning the DH drives all the drunk fans home.

1. You've named that purple elephant that follows you everywhere.
2. Vision Imparment goggles don't change anything.
3. You earn $30 by counting your money again.
4. You use your beer belly as a coffee table.
5. You fly home every night.
6. Your wife keeps telling you not to light the house on fire but you don't listen. What does she know anyway?
7. Your house is fire proofed but you still manage to burn it to the ground.
8. You have a second, third anniversary.
9. The dog is drunk to.
10. No one you see can stop moving.
11. You offer the police officer that pulls you over a cold one.
12. The officer asks you about the vehicle you're pulling, you reply with "whats wrong with towing a boat?" to which he replies "Nothing, but we do require you put it on a trailer."
13. "Could you ask your friends to get out of the boat, sir?"
14. Your designated driver has horrible gas milage... and you wake up more...