Department Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is an actual letter of complaint which I grabbed off the
net many years ago (when it used to be called net.jokes, if you can
remember that long ago!) Unfortunately, I don't have the original
source anymore. Note the date sent and the prices quoted.
Atlanta, Georgia
September 13, 1970
Director
Billing Department
Shell Oil Company
P.O. Box XXXX
Tulsa, Oklahoma 74102
Dear Sir:
I have been a regular customer of the Shell Oil Company for several
years now, and spend approximately $40.00 per month on Shell products.
Until recently, I have been completely satisfied with the quality of
Shell products and with the service of Shell employees.
Included in my most recent statement from your department was a bill
for $12.00 for a tire which I purchased at the Lowell I. Reels Shell
station in McAdenville, N.C. I stopped at this station for gasoline
and to have a timing malfunction corrected. The gasoline cost more...

A department store had to call off its special summer sale in August because of a conflict -- its Christmas sale was beginning two days later.

Q: How many shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can change the bulb in seven to ten working days, but if you call before 2 p.m. and pay an extra $15, we can get it changed overnight.

NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWERS Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 1200
1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a more...

NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWERS Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 12001. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, "entrap", or more...

Little Tim, a 5 year old called 911 and very softly said: "hello". Officer Pam asked: are your parents there? Little Tim answered: "yes, their busy", the police, the fire department are here and they are busy"
Officer Pam said, so son your telling me that the police, fire department, and your parents are there and they are all busy?
Little Tim: "yes"
Officer Pam: What are they all doing
Little Tim: "Looking for me"

A man calls the fire department and says, "Yes, I have just had my front yard landscaped, I have a nice new flower bed, a new fish pond with a fountain and a new rose garden." "Very nice," the firefighter says, "but what does that have to do with the fire service?" "Well," the man answers, "the house next door is on fire and I don't want you to trample my front yard."