Deere Jokes / Recent Jokes
A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce. Attorney: "May I help you?" Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces". Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?" Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres." Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?" Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere." Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays." Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning." Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?!?!?!?" Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want more...
A hillbilly walked into an attorneys office wanting to file for divorce. Attorney: "May I help you?" Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces". Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?" Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres." Attorney: "No, you dont understand, do you have a case?" Hillbilly: "No, I dont have a Case, but I have a John Deere." Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?" Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. Thats where I park my John Deere." Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays." Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4: 30 in the morning." Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?!?!?!?" Hillbilly: "No shes a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. Thats why I want this more...
THERE WAS THIS FARMER THAT HAD 3 KIDS. THEY WERE 16, 10, AND 4. THE 16 YEAR OLD WALKED UP TO HIS DAD AND SAID,"DAD, I'M 16 NOW AND I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME I GOT A CAR." HIS DAD SAID,"WE JUST GOT THAT JOHN DEERE TRACTOR OVER THERE, BUT WHEN WE GET IT PAID OFF WE'LL GET YOU A CAR." THE 10 YEAR OLD WALKED UP TO HIS DAD AND SAID,"DAD ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE GOT DIRT BIKES AND I THINK I'M GETTING OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE ONE TOO." HIS DAD SAID,"WELL, WHEN WE GET THAT TRACTOR PAID OFF WE'LL GET YOU ONE." NEXT THE 4 YEAR OLD WALKED UP AND SAID,"DAD I NEED A BIKE SO I CAN GO PLAY ON IT WITH MY FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY ALL ALREADY HAVE ONE." HIS DAD SAID,"WE HAVE GOT TO PAY THE TRACTOR OFF FIRST AND THEN WE'LL GET YOU ONE." THE 4 YEAR OLD SAID,"OK." THEN THE 4 YEAR OLD WENT OUT TO GET EGGS FROM THE CHICKEN HOUSE AND SAW A ROOSTER JUST FUCKING THE HELL OUT OF THIS OLD HEN. THE LITTLE BOY WENT UP AND KICKED THE ROOSTER OFF AND SAID,"BY more...
On the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see:
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.
3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.
John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.
Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.
Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home.
Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine, All Mine.
Knott's Berry Farm and the National Organization for Women merge to become Knott NOW.
There appears to be no end to merger mania - one of the greatest threats to our freedom and democracy - putting more and more control into the hands of fewer and fewer people.
The following are more Mergers that appear to be on the horizon:
Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil
- Honey, I'm Home
Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining
- Mine, All Mine
Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining
- Zip Audi Do-Da
Knott's Berry Farm and National Organization of Women
- Knott NOW!
John Deere and Abitibi-Price
- Deere Abi
Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers
- Fairwell Honeychild
3M and Goodyear
- mmmGood
Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants
- Poupon Pants
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush Co., and W.R. Grace Co.
- Hale Mary Fuller Grace
Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler
- Poly-Warner-Cracker
It has long been rumored that W. R. Grace Co. was considering buying the Fuller Brush Co. along with Mary Kay Cosmetics and then merge with the Hale Business Systems. This mega-corporate entity could be known as Hale Mary Fuller Grace. Failed merger: Yahooand Netscape. Net 'n Yahoo didn't work out because they would have to relocate theheadquarters located in Tel Aviv. Proposed merger: Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers, to be called Fairwell Honeychild. Rumored merger: Wurlitzer with Xerox. They are going to market reproductive organs. Possible merger: Warner Brothers, Polygraph Records and Keebler - to be called...Poly-Warner-Cracker. 3M and Goodyear merger: mmmGood John Deere andAbitibi-Price: Deere Abi Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco and Dakota Mining: Dip Audi Do Da Swissair andCheseborough-Ponds: Swisschese Honeywell, Imasco and HomeOil: Honey, I'm Home Luvs Diapers and HertzRent-a-Car: Luv Herts Upjohn and Chuckie CheesePizza: UpChuck White Castle Burgers andGlad more...
A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce.
The attorney asked, "May I help you??"
The farmer said, "Yeah, I want to get one of them dayvorces."
The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yeah, I got about 140 acres."
The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yeah, I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes, sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about more...