Deer Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were were unable to make service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."

The Game Warden stopped a deer hunter and asked to see his hunting license. "This is last year's license," the warden informed him.

"I know," said the hunter, "but I shouldn't need a new license, I am only shooting at the deer I missed last year."

Why are sheep always in a field? Because they can't get out!
Who gives my cat his Christmas presents? Santa Paws!
Who gives my other cat his Christmas presents? Santa Claws!
What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while i go ahead!
Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!
What did mary say to santa during the storm? Look at that rain, dear!
Where do plumbers buy there presents? Bath!
Why is it best to park your car near the moon? Because there is a lot of space!
What is the use of reindeer? It makes the garden grow sweetie!
How many legs does rudolph have? Four? No, six. - he's got forelegs and two back legs!
What game do six reindeer play in the back of a mini? Squash!
Why did the reindeer take his nose apart? To see what made it run!
What do you call a reindeer that has a number on its tail? Reg!
Did you hear the story of the 3 reindeer? No. Oh deer, Oh deer, Oh deer
Why do reindeers have more...

Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
Santa
***
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
***
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some more...

Why are sheep always in a field? Because they can't get out ! Who gives my cat his Christmas presents? Santa Paws! Who gives my other cat his Christmas presents? Santa Claws! What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while i go ahead! Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs! What did mary say to santa during the storm? Look at that rain, dear! Where do plumbers buy there presents? Bath! Why is it best to park your car near the moon? Because there is a lot of space! What is the use of reindeer? It makes the garden grow sweetie! How many legs does rudolph have? Four? No, six. - he's got forelegs and two back legs! What game do six reindeer play in the back of a mini? Squash! Why did the reindeer take his nose apart? To see what made it run! What do you call a reindeer that has a number on its tail? Reg! Did you hear the story of the 3 reindeer? No. Oh deer, Oh deer, Oh deerWhy do reindeers have wrinkled ankles? Because they lace there boot too tight! more...

There was this tiger that woke up one morning and just felt great. He felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him, "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"

And the poor quaking little monkey replied, "You are of course, no one is mightier than you."

A little while later the tiger confronted a deer, and bellowed out, "WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"

The deer shook so hard it could barely speak, but managed to stammer, "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."

The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered up to an elephant who was quietly munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?"

Well, the elephant grabbed the tiger with his trunk, picked him up, slammed him down; picked him up again, and shook him until the tiger was just a more...

Two guys are out hunting deer... The first guy says, "Did you see that?... pointing to the sky." "No," the second guy says." Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!" the first guy says." Oh," says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, pointing to a far ridge, the first guy says, "Did you see that?" "See what?" the second guy asks." Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there!""Yah, Ok", says the second guy again with a bit of irritation in his voice. A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?" This time pointing behind them. By now, the second guy is getting very aggravated and says, "Yah, I SAW IT!"And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"