Deep Jokes / Recent Jokes

there are 3 people 1from china, 1 from america and 1 from india
and all three of them are trying to prove whos country was more scientifically developed.
(1)
The Chinese man takes the other two along with him to china and digs the ground 200 meteres he finds a phone cable and says >>my country had phones 200 years ago
(2)
The American man gets really frustrated and takes the other two to america, there he digs a hole 400 meteres deep and finds a telephone wire, he then says >we had phones 400 years ago.
(3)
The Indian then takes the other two to india and digs a hole 800 meteres deep but finds no wire at all he then says 800 years back we had mobile phones!!

We've heard the Redneck and Cajun versions - nor for Norwegian, yah?01. BYTE: how Lena stops Ole's advances.02. LOG ON: dats how ya make da vood stove hotter.03. LOG OFF: vhat Sven vas trying to do vhen he burnt his hands terrible.04. MONITOR: keep an eye on da vood stove.05. MEGAHERTZ: ven a big log drops on your foot.06. COMPACT DISK: vhat ya get from lifting logs dat's too heavy.07. FLOPPY DISK: vhat da lefse looks like vhen it's cooked yust right.08. RAM: da hydraulic ting dat makes da voodsplitter vork.09. DRIVE: how you get home ven da snow's not too deep.10. HARD DRIVE: dat's vhen you're going to Madison vhen da snow's deep.11. PROMPT: vhat ya vish da mail vas during da snow season.12. ENTER: vhen ya come on in!13. WINDOWS: vhat ya shut vhen it gets 10 below out.14. SCREEN: vaht ya gotta have in blackfly season.15. CHIP: vhat ya munch on during da Packer's game.16. MICROCHIP: vhat's left in da bottom of da bag vhen da big ones are gone.17. MODEM: vhat ve did to da hayfields more...

Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been
able to access their command pathways?"
Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by
searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing
technology."
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
Riker looks puzzled. "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send
this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command
pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
system resources at an unstoppable rate."
Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't
they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it
creates a new version of itself more...

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!"
Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. They pause and listen intently... They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with its head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!
The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We'd better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!"
So they continue on their way down the more...

Last Christmas we were thinking about all the things we didn't have; this Christmas we are thinking about all the things we do have.
Last Christmas we were placing wreaths on the doors of our homes; this Christmas we are placing wreaths on the graves of our heroes.
Last Christmas we were letting our sons play with toy guns; this Christmas we are teaching them that guns are not toys.
Last Christmas we were counting our money; this Christmas we are counting our blessings.
Last Christmas we were lighting candles to decorate; this Christmas we are lighting candles to commemorate.
Last Christmas we paid lip service to the real meaning of the holidays; this Christmas we are paying homage to it.
Last Christmas we were digging deep into our bank accounts to find money to fly home for the holidays; this Christmas we are digging deep into our souls to find the courage to do so.
Last Christmas we were trying not to let annoying relatives get the best of us; more...

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?
Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?
Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say' It's all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't more...

Beauty is only skin deep...but ugly goes all the way to the bone!