Deathbed Jokes / Recent Jokes

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them." His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"

A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, "Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.""And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS...and write on the envelope,' Now you have everything.'"

Becky was on her deathbed with her husband, John, maintaining a steady vigil by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran silently down his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her slumber.
She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling John," she whispered.
"Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don''t talk."
But she was insistent. "John," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
"There''s nothing to confess" replied the weeping John. "It''s all right. everything''s all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, John. I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father."
John mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand. "Hush now Becky, don''t torment yourself. I know all about it." he said, "Why do you think I poisoned you?"

The was a man who had three georgeous kids and one extremely gruesome one.
While on his deathbed, he asked his wife, "Marie, tell me one thing. And please be honest. Am I the father to our last boy, Craig?"
"Yes, honey," rplied his wife, "I promise you, Craig is 100 percent yours."
"I can die a happy man. Godbye my love."
And the man peacefully passed away.
Maria, gave a big sigh and said quietly, "Thank goodness he didn't ask me about the other three."

Abe, an old Jewish man, was dying. On his deathbed, he looked up and said, "Is my wife here?"

His wife replies: "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you.."

So Abe asks, "Are my children here?"

"Yes, daddy, we're all here," say the children.

Abe inquires, "Are my other relatives also here?"

And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."

So Abe sits up and yells,"THEN WHY IS THE LIGHT ON IN THE KITCHEN?!?"

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but Ive slept with dozens of them."His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife.She rushed in and said,' What is it, honey?'He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort.He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left.The wife was curious.' what are you doing, honey?' she asked."I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.