Day Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the Spanish guy, "You're in charge of the cement." Then he said to the Russian guy, "You're in charge of the dirt." Then he said to the Korean guy, "You're in charge of the supplies." Then he said, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're fired." So they all go off to go get their work done. At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and goes, "Good work," to the Spanish guy. Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Good work," to the Russian guy. Then he couldn't find the Korean guy so he asks, "Where the heck is the Korean guy??" All of a sudden, the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, " more...

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate,' Bring me my red shirt!'The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed,' Bring me my red shirt!'And once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked,' Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?'The Captain, giving the ensign a look more...

ONE NIGHT 4 MBA STUDENTS WERE BOOZING TILL LATE NIGHT AND DIDN`T STUDY
FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.

IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK AS DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT. THEY THEN WENT UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A WEDDING LAST NIGHT AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND THEY HAD TO PUSH THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO CONDITION TO APPEAR FOR THE TEST.

THEN DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO HE SAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE RETEST AFTER 3 DAYS.
THEY SAID THEY WILL BE READY BY THAT TIME. ON THE THIRD DAY THEY APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN. THE DEAN SAID THAT THIS WAS A SPECIAL CONDITION TEST.
ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN SEPARATE CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST. THEY ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS. THE TEST CONSISTED OF 2 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS.

Q. 1. WRITE DOWN YOUR NAME -----(2 MARKS)
Q. more...

During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of theadvancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general stops the troops and waits to see what happens. Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entiredivision to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune. But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and cups his hands to his more...

A guy was stranded on a desert island with Cindy Crawford. He played it cool, and he didn't make any moves towards her for several weeks. Finally, one day he asked her if maybe they could start up a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs. Cindy said she was game and a very vigorous sexual relationship began.

Everything was great for about 4 months. One day, the guy went to Cindy and said,' I'm having this problem. It's kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor.' Cindy said,' Okay.' The guy said,' Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?' Cindy looked at him a little funny, but said,' Sure, you can borrow my eyebrow pencil.' The guy then said,' Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a moustache on you?' Cindy is getting a little worried, but says,' Okay.' Then the guy said,' Can you wear some of my guy clothing, I need for you to look more like a man.' Cindy is getting a little disappointed at this point, but says,' Well I guess so.' Then the more...

What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, "I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and..".

He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear".

"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"

"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes".

Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, more...