Daddy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Johnny was passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeked in and caught his folks in The Act.
Before his dad could even react, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Oh, boy! Horsy ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"
Relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable questions and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, Daddy agreed. Johnny hopped on and Daddy started going to town. Pretty soon Mommy started moaning and gasping.
Johnny cried out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
A little girl went up to her father and asked, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?" Her dad answered, "When you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." A second daughter came up and asked, "Daddy, why was I named Daisy?" He answered, "Because a daisy petal fell on your head when you were born." As the sisters walked away they came across their brother who goes "der der...d-duh.." Their father yells, "Shutup, Cinderblock!!"
The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred during the war.
During the Persian Gulf War, I was assigned to go to Saudi Arabia. As I was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, Christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. "No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating.
We were beginning to make a scene when my wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza."
Immediately, Christopher loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy."
One day Steve is feeling a little turned on, so he calls his young daughter over and says, "Honey, go and tell mommy that I would really like to type a letter."
The little girl runs off and finds her mom. "Mommy," she shouts, "Daddy wants to type a letter."
Bev grins sheepishly and replies, "Sweetheart, go and tell Daddy that he can't type a letter today because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."
She runs off to her father and gives him the message.
A few days later, Bev remembers that Steve was keen on a bit of nookie, so she calls her daughter over, "Sweetheart, go and tell Daddy that he can type his letter today."
The little girl goes off to find her father and tells him, "Daddy, Mommy said you can type your letter today."
"That's ok, honey," Steve replies, "You can tell mommy I don't need the typewriter anymore, I wrote my letter by hand."
The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before, and the next day he went to work not feeling to good.
At the first pole that he had to work on, he climbed to the top and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped it so, he had to climb all the way down to retrieve it, as he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, a small boy was there and said to the lineman, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn't have to climb down the pole after the pliers that you dropped".
The lineman tried to ignore the boy and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About his time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail, and as he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground and again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it. So he slowly climbed down the pole and sure enough the little boy was there and said. "My daddy is a lineman and he would more...
A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”
“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”
“Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”
“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.”
Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”
“That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.
“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card-it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”
The mother is more...
The Sunday School teacher asked if any of the childrens parents had quoted from the Bible in the past week. Little Timmy paused, but then spoke up, "My daddy doesnt have any hair on his head. Daddy says that God put hair on everything that he was ashamed of."