Daddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

GUY: "The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my place so we can spread the word."
GUY: "Your daddy must be a baker, because you got a nice set of buns."
GUY: "Your daddy is a thief, he took the twinkle out of the stars and put it in your eyes."

A man and his son were walking down the street one day. They saw two dogs having sex in a yard.
The son asked his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"
Thinking fast, the father said, "Well, son, they are making puppies."
Every thing was okay for a couple of days. Then, one afternoon, the father was making love to his wife when the son walked in.
The son asked, "Daddy, what are you doing?"
Thinking fast, the father said, "We're making you a baby brother."
The son thought for a moment, then said, "Well, roll her over, daddy, I'd rather have a puppy!"

> A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date.
> >
> > "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
> >
> > "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns.
> > "It is not polite."
> >
> > "Ok," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
> >
> > "Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are
> > really none of your business."
> >
> > Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
> >
> > "That is enough questions, honestly!"
> >
> > The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
> >
> > "My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
> >
> > "Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers
> > more...

Teacher: What Is Your Father's Name? Student: No Answer (Just Thinking) Teacher: Well? Student: Ma'm, Till Now We Haven't Given Him Any Name. We Just Call Him Daddy!

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked her father.
"They're mating," replied her father.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy," she asked.
"That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered.
"Then the other one is a mommy longlegs?" asked the little girl.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
"Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in OUR garden!" she exclaimed.

A MOTHER AND HER FIVE YEAR OLD SON ARE ON THEIR WAY HOME FROM DAYCARE WHEN THE CHILD SEES TWO DOGS IN A FIELD SCREWING. PUZZLED, THE CHILD ASKS THE MOM WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
THE MOM NOT SURE HOW TO ANSWER SAYS THEY ARE BUSY MAKING PUPPIES.
LATER THAT EVENING WHEN EVERYONE IS IN BED MOM AND DAD ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF HAVING SEX. ALL OF A SUDDEN THE YOUNG BOY WALKS IN.
DADDY, HE SAYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WELL SON HE SAID, YOUR MOM AND I HAVE DECIDED ITS TIME FOR YOU TO HAVE A LITTLE BROTHER OR SISTER.
THE BOY STARTS CRYING AND SAYS, NO DADDY, TURN MOMMY OVER, I'D RATHER HAVE A PUPPY!