Cruiser Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the mid 80's a cruiser of the U.S. navy put in to port in Catahegna, Spain, for a week's shore leave. (Well, leave for the crew, not the cruiser.) The first evening, the captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from an upper-class Spanish lady:
Dear Captain,
On Thursday, it will be my daughter's coming of age party. I would like you to send four well-mannered, rich, unmarried officers.
They should arrive at 8 p.m. - One last point: no Jews - we don't like Jews.
Sure enough, at 8 on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door, which she opened to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely-mannered, wealthy, single, BLACK officers.
Her lower jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she got out "There must be some mistake".
"Madam", said the first officer, "Captain Cohen doesn't make mistakes."

A man was driving home late one afternoon above the speed limit. He noticed a police car with its red lights in his rearview mirror. He thought, "I can outrun this guy," so he floored it and the race was on. The cars were racing down the highway at 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passed 100, the guy figured, "What the heck," and gave up. He pulled over to the curb. The police officer got out of his cruiser and approached the car.
He leaned down and said, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rearview mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"
The officer let him go.

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He looks in his rear view mirror and notices a police car with its red lights. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy", so he floors it.
The cars are racing down the highway - 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy realizes he can't outrun the cop so he gives up and pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car.
He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway - 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.
Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.
The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that you were the officer and that you were trying to give her back to me!"

A Highway Patrolman started creeping up on a highway speeder when it was evident that the individual being pursued realized there was a Highway Patrolman behind him and he stepped on the gas to out run the cruiser. The trooper turned on his beacons and siren and after a brief chase, the individual realized that he could not outrun the cruiser and decided it would be best if he just pulled over to the side and just give up. The Trooper pulled up behind the speeder and then walked up to the driver's side window. He said, "Sir, why were you trying to out-run me?" "You knew it would end this way." The speeder said, "Officer, please understand, I meant you no disrespect, but my wife ran off with a Highway Patrolman last month and I thought you were bringing her back."

A man is driving home late one afternoon, well above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy!" So he floors it, and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway - 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures, "What the heck..." and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were him trying to give her back to me!"

A man was driving home late one afternoon above the speed limit. He noticed a police car with its red lights in his rearview mirror. He thought, "I can outrun this guy," so he floored it and the race was on. The cars were racing down the highway at 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passed 100, the guy figured, "What the heck," and gave up. He pulled over to the curb. The police officer got out of his cruiser and approached the car.
He leaned down and said, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rearview mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"
The officer let him go.