Cookie Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite sugar cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered enough strength to get out bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom.
With even greater effort, he forced his boney fingers to grab the handrail and he went down the stairs, one stumbling step at a time.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.
There, on the kitchen table, spread out in rows upon wax paper, were literally hundreds of his favorite sugar cookies.
Was it heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife of 60 years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he lunged toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture.
His parched lips were slightly parted. The wondrous taste of more...

An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died.
He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies. With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet.
As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.
"Why?" he whispered. "Why did you do that?"
"They're for the funeral."

There Was An Elderly Man At Home, Upstairs, Dying In Bed.
He Smelled The Aroma Of His Favourite Chocolate Chip Cookies Baking. He Wanted One Last Cookie Before He Died. He Fell Out Of Bed, Crawled To The Landing, Rolled Down The Stairs And Crawled Into The Kitchen Where His Wife Was Busily Baking Cookies.
With His Last Remaining Strength He Crawled To The Table And Was Just Barely Able To Lift His Withered Arm To The Cookie Sheet.
As He Grasped A Warm, Moist Chocolate Chip Cookie, His Favorite Kind, His Wife Suddenly Whacked His Hand With A Spatula.
Gasping For Breath, He Asked Her, "Why Did You Do That?"
"Those Are For The Funeral."

Knock Knock Who's there? Cookie! Cookie who? Cookie quit and now I have to make all the food!

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Suzy came running downstairs.' 'Grandma, I went to the bathroom to pee and bb's came out.'' "Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said' 'Grandma, I went poo and there were bb's in it.'' "Jill, I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.' 'Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!''

(This is one that was told to me by an American when I was in Germany, 30 years ago)

This man had a great pain in his tummy, so he decided to go and see his Doctor.
The Doctor examined the man's stomach and proclaimed that he had a huge worm therein. It was a monster of a worm!
The Doctor told the man that there was only one way in which to get rid of it, and asked him to come back the next evening at 5 pm and to bring a banana, a hammer and a cookie when he comes.
The man exclaimed, "A banana, a hammer and a cookie?" and the doctor replied, "Yes, a banana, a hammer and a cookie.
The man went away puzzled and came at 5pm the next day with a banana, a hammer and a cookie.
The Doctor took the man into his surgery and asked him to take off his pants and to bend over. He then unpeeled the banana and shoved it up the man's arse and beat it right in with the hammer, started a stop-watch and exactly five minutes later he shoved the cookie up more...

A Collection of Lawyer Jokes



An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the more...