Conversation Jokes / Recent Jokes

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, more...

These 2 cows are standing in a paddock. They strike up a conversation, as cows are want to do.
"Hi, how are you?"
"Good, how are you"
"Oh, pretty good.. . actually that's not quite true. I'm a little worried really"
"Good heavens, why. What could you have to worry about?"
"Well, it's Mad Cow Disease, actually"
"But we're in Australia; it's not going to effect us"
"You never know. Viruses are very good at traveling. You can never be sure where they're going to turn up next. To be honest, I can't believe you're not concerned yourself"
"About Mad Cow disease?"
"Yeah"
"Well it's not really my problem is it"
"Why not!"
"Well I'm a rabbit"

One Point Dares:Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
Don't use any punctuation.
Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen. Three Point Dares:Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
Every time you more...

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in theright place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following; "Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

Gags for the Office Drone Run one lap around the office at top speed
Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other 'no-player'must be in the bathroom at the time)
Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way"
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. THREE-POINT GAGS Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers
Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all more...

A bored guy sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation. He turns to bartender and says, "Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress. . ." "STOP pal - I don't allow talk about politics in my bar!" interrupted the bartender. A few minutes later the guy tried again, "People say about the Pope. ..""NO religion talk, either," the bartender cuts in. One more try to break the boredom..." I thought the Yankees would...""NO sports talk... That's how fights start in bars!" the barman said." Look, how about sex. Can I talk to you about sex?" "Sure, that we can talk about", replies the barkeep." GREAT... GO SCREW YOURSELF!"