Conversation Jokes / Recent Jokes

MURALI KRISHNAN writes from New Delhi: A Sardarji and a Bengali, both suffering from serious diseases, share the
same room in a hospital. They were violently ill and both could not even utter a word.
After a few days of living together, the Bengali gets really bored and wants to start off a conversation with his fellow patient.
He realizes that he has not enough energy left to say a sentence; so he just attempts to say a word.
After much effort he turns to the Sardarji, points his finger towards himself and says “Bengali”.
Sardarji doesn’t want to let the poor Bengali down who has struggled so hard to start a conversation.
Sardarji musters all his energy and says “Punjabi” gesturing the same way as Bengali did.
Bengali is happy now and wants to continue the conversation. After much more effort this time he says, again pointing his finger towards himself “Sharath Bose“
Sardarji after some effort says “Devindar more...

While I was watching a basketball game on TV last weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation, I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.
She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.
Man, sometimes it is tough being married to a smart ass.

What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation:
1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate.
2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?"
3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence."
4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can.
5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence.
6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence.
7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.
8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.

Her: But, I love you..
Me: You don't know how to love...
Her: Yes I do...!
Me: Really, please explain...
Her: I want to share everything with you... My deepest secrets...
Me: What? Your Cervix?
Her: Fuck you!
Me: Exactly!

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following;"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Denna I come once-a more.""You fowl-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. “Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius! ” The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, “Ah, Mozart. You’re so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island. ” There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, “We’re leaving right now. Get your coat and let’s get out of here. ” As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. “You’re angry about something. ” “Oh really? You noticed? ” he sneered. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Coney Island? You idiot! Don’t you know the No. 5 bus doesn’t go out to Coney Island? ”

I was just stepping into the shower this morning when my SO
handed me the phone, telling me it was someone from a long
distance company. I was eager to get into the shower; my
conversation went like this:
Me: Hello?
Him: Hello, sir. I'm from . How would
you like to save money off your long distance calling?
Me: If I told you that I was very happy with my current carrier, would
that preclude any further conversation?
Him: Actually, no, sir. I have to hear a certain number of "no's" before
I let you go.
Me: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Him: Have a nice day, sir.