Contest Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was letting her husband have it with just a touch more venom than usual, saying,' You're an idiot. You have always been an idiot. You'll always be an idiot. If they had an idiot contest, you'd come in second.'
'Why would I come in second?' asked the husband.
'Because you're an idiot!'

Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for a few hours until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.
They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the contest was over. He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly upset, and cried, “I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out. ”
“Very well, then, ” God said, “Let us see if Jesus did any better. ”
Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers. Satan was astonished. He stuttered, “But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it? ”
God chuckled, “Jesus saves”

Everybody thought the Miss Albuquerque beauty contest was going to be a hotly contested affair, but Susan walked away with first place with nary a dissenting vote. Turned out she was the only one of the contestants who could get all those letters across her chest.

ANN ARBOR, Michigan - Christian Silbereis, 17, wanted his Halloween costume to be educational. So he came to school dressed at a giant vagina. The costume was created by his mother, to wear at his school's Halloween fancy dress contest. School officials did not feel the pink cape decorated with wig hair, satin and lace was appropriate, however, and they suspended the student for the remainder of the week. Silbereis's mother warned him that the costume might make some people uncomfortable, but he still won first prize in the contest.

Silbereis defended his choice saying, "It's anatomically correct. It's just another body part - they teach us about it in school. I mean, what if I was wearing an elbow costume? That's part of the body. Would they suspend me then?" A petition is being passed around to students objecting his suspension. High School officials refuse to comment on the reason for the suspension.

A number of years ago, a major meat packer wanted to do a promotional campaign
on radio. The idea was to have call-in contests on radio stations throughout
the country, and the winners would receive large supplies of sirloin steaks.
The researchers had to come up with a name for the contest. The report they
submitted read something like this.
After conducting market research, we have reached the
conclusion that the name "High Steaks" would be an
appropriate name for the contest. We base this conclusion
on interviews and surveys, and we are firmly convinced that
the majority of radio listeners will understand the
double entendre. The only city where we found a lack
of sophistication was Memphis, TN, and there we recommend
that you call the contest "Free Meat."

GENERAL MOTORS INTRODUCES NEW INSTANT-WIN AIRBAGS DETROIT-
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobile gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself, more...

General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win Airbags
Detroit-
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market
down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win
airbag contest Monday.
The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed
impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in
all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president
of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997
sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag
Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super
Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag
promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback
overwhelmingly positive.
"As soon as my car more...