Confessions Jokes / Recent Jokes
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and 'how did you feel about that?'"
The new priest says those things, trying them out.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit! What happened next?'"
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest says, "Cross you arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.
The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and 'how did you feel about that?'"
The new priest says those things, trying them out.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than saying, 'Whoa... What happened next?'"
Being a little nervous about hearing confessions, the new priest asked an older priest to sit in on his sessions. After hearing a few confessions, the older priest asked him to step out of the confessional so he could give him a few suggestions.
"Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand," the older priest suggested.
The new priest did as suggested. Again the older priest took him aside.
The older priest said, "Try saying things like, I understand, yes, I see, continue, how do you feel about that?"
The new priest again did as suggested.
After the new priest's sessions were completed, the older priest said to him, "There now, don't you think that was a little better than chuckling, slapping your knee and saying, 'No shit, what happened next?'"
A Priest gets a call from one of his golfing buddies on a Saturday afternoon. "We've got a tee time at 3:00 and need a fourth...can you make it?"Sadly the priest tells his friend that he has to hear confessions and cannot make it. His friend urges him to get a substitute. Well, being the only priest in this parish, he hasn't many choices. As he ponders his dilemma, he sees the custodian cleaning the church."Hey, Joe...can you help me out??" He explains his dilemma and asks Joe if he would hear confessions for him."Oh, no I wouldn't have any idea what to do!!"."Joe, don't worry...I have this card, you see. When someone confesses their sin, you look on the card...find the sin...and follow it over to the appropriate penance...it's that simple...here comes the first penetant...try it!!"So Joe goes into the confessional and the first penetant comes in and kneels before the screen..."Bless me Father...I have sinned...I have had impure more...
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like,' I see, yes, go on, and I understand, how did you feel about that?"The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying,' No way! What happened next?'"
A Priest had been in confessions all day without a break. He really had to take a dump, and his blatter was about to burst because he hadn't been able to relieve himself all day. People kept coming to confess and the line was backed up already and he hated to leave. But he peeked out of his cubicle and signaled the janitor to come over. He asked the janitor to cover for him and gave him the confessions book then sped off in the direction of the bathroom. The janitor was a little bewildered but he went into the cubicle and sat down. A woman came knelt in front of his window and said, "Father I have sinned. I cheated on my husband." The janitor scanned in the book until he found "adultery". He told the woman to say 50 "Hail Mary's" and wash in holy water. Next came a man who told the janitor, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I had oral sex with another man." The janitor looked and looked but he couldn't find a penance listed for oral sex. He more...
A woman comes in to the church for her confessions.
she tells the priest that she was fooling around with a guy in the back pew during mass on sunday.
He says what happened
she says first he started to touch me all over.
He says like this and she says yes just like that!
Then he says what happened next and she says then we started to make out and he says like this. yes exactly like that!
Then he says what happened next and she says he started to hump me. He says like this. yes exactly like that.
Then she says that i found out bad news, he says what happened,
she says i found out that he had Aids
and the priest screamed fuck!!!