Confess Jokes / Recent Jokes

Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved.
"Jake," she said.
"Hush," he quickly interrupted, "don't talk." But she insisted.
"Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I must confess."
"There is nothing to confess," said the weeping Jake. "It's all right. Everything's all right."
"No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, Jake, that I have been unfaithful to you."
Jake stroked her hand. "Now, Becky, don't be concerned. I know all about it", he sobbed. "Why else would I poison you?"

Becky was on her deathbed with her husband, Jake, maintaining a steady vigil by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran silently down his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her slumber.
She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Jake," she whispered.
"Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk."
But she was insistent. "Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Jake. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Jake. I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father."
Jake mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand. "Hush now Becky, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," he said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"

Rita was standing vigil over her husband's deathbed. As she held his hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his face, and roused him from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk."
But he was insistent. "Rita," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Rita. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Rita. I slept with your sister, your best friend and your mother."
Rita mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now dear, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said.
"Now you be still, and let the poison work."

Dave, an avid golfer, had been dating a woman for quite some time. Unbeknownst to him, she worked at a house of ill repute. As time went on, they began to feel serious about each other.
"Candy, sweetheart, I want to marry you," Dave said. "First though, there is something I must confess. I am an avid golfer and golf all the time."
With love in her eyes, Candy looked at Dave and replied, "That's ok, darling, I don't mind. I too have something I must confess about myself . I'm a hooker."
"No problem," Dave replied. "I'm sure if I take you out on the course I'll be able to help with your problem."

This man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies that he used the "F-word" over the weekend. The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language.
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to continue. Well father I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church. The priest says, "And you got upset over that and swore?" The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees." The priest said, "And that's when you swore."
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit more...