Bulletin Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

    11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on' It's a Terrible Experience'."

    12. "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice."

    13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance."

    14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."

    15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

    16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."

    17. "Today's Sermon:' How Much Can a Man Drink?' with hymns from a full choir."

    18. On a church bulletin during more...

    The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.
    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
    Evening massage - 6 p.m.
    The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
    The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
    Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
    Ushers will eat latecomers.
    The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
    The pastor will more...

    A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.
    At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.
    After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.
    "I've been a little sick to my stomach," she replied.
    "Well," said the older physician, "you've probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps."
    As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.
    "You didn't even examine that woman," the younger doctor stated.
    "I didn't have more...

    Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:
    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
    Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
    The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
    The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
    The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
    Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
    The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer more...

    Synagogue Bulletin Blunders.
    These announcements, with hilarious typos and phrasing blunders, were reportedly found in various shul newsletters and bulletins around the country. Even the spell checker wouldn't have helped!
    1. Don't let worry kill you. Let your synagogue help. Join us for our Oneg after services. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.
    2. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    3. We are pleased to announce the birth of David Weiss, the sin of Rabbi and Mrs. Abe Weiss.
    4. Thursday at 9, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
    Club. All women wishing to become Little Mothers please see the rabbi in his private study.
    5. The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind and
    they may be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.
    6. A bean supper will be held Wednesday evening in the community center. Music will follow.
    7. Weight more...

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