Conduct Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was the night of the big symphony concert, and all the town notables showed up to hear it. However, it was getting close to 8 o'clock and the conductor hadn't yet shown up.
The theater's manager was getting desperate, knowing that he'd have to refund everyone's money if he cancelled the concert, so he went backstage and asked all the musicians if any could conduct.
None of them could, so he went around and asked the staff if any of them could conduct. He had no luck there either, so he started asking people in the lobby, in the hope that maybe one of them could conduct the night's concert. He still hadn't found anyone, so he went outside and started asking everybody passing by if they could conduct.
He had no luck whatsoever and by this time the concert was 15 minutes late in starting. The assistant manager came out to say that the crowd was getting restless and about ready to demand their money back. The desperate manager looked around and spied a cat, a dog, and a more...

Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.The study took 2 years and cost over $180,000.00. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the U.S. study were incorrect. After three years of research and cost in excess of $250,000.00, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to conduct their own study. The Poles didn't really trust the U.S. or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and at a cost of right around $75.00, the Polish study reached a conclusion. The Polish study came to the final more...

To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council). Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill) Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug." Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25. Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines. In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.

Eugene: It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.(Oregon Dumb Laws)

While visiting England recently, George W. Bush was invited to have tea with the Queen.

Given his recent political problems, he decides to take advantage of her years of leadership experience and asks her for her advice. She responds that she surrounds herself with the most intelligent people she can find and lets them do their jobs.

Intrigued with this novel theory, Bush asks her how she is able to tell if the people are intelligent.

"I do so by asking them a test question" responds the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

The Queen then dials 10 Downing Street and asks to speak to Tony Blair. "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer a hypothetical question for me."

"I'll do my best, Your Majesty" responds Blair.

"Your mother has a child and your father has a child" says the Queen. "The child is not your brother or your sister. Who is the child?"

Tony Blair more...

Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the US study were incorrect. After three years of research and costs in excess of $250,000, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.
When the results of the German study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didn't trust the US or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research at a cost of around $75, the Aussie study reached a conclusion.
They came to the final conclusion that the more...

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.
When the results of the French study were released, Canada decided to conduct their own study. The Canucks didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00, the Canadian study was complete. They concluded that the more...