Coats Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
They look silly in polyester.
Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because her brown ones were muddy.
How long should a reindeers legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground.
Which reindeer have the smallest legs?
The shortest ones.
Where do you find reindeer?
Depends upon where you leave them.
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you!
Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
Because they are both tail bearers!
Why did the reindeer wear brown boots?
Because her black ones were muddy!
Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
Because he didn't want to be recognized!
What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer!
What did the Mom Reindeer say to keep her reindeer kids inside?
"Because of the rain... Dear."
Why did the reindeer wear green boots?
Because her blue Gucci pumps were more...
The difference between cats and dogs...
What is a Cat?
1) Cats do what they want.
2) They rarely listen to you.
3) They're totally unpredictable.
4) They whine when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8) They're moody.
9) They leave hair everywhere.
10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: They're tiny little women in fur coats.
What is a Dog?
1) Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2) They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3) They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4) They growl when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to play.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They are great at more...
There was a Blonde and her husband.
One morning the husband leaves for work and the blonde gets up. She's determined to prove to her husband that blondes arn't dumb, by painting the kitchen.
When her husband gets home he says to his wife "Honey why do you have 3 coats on?"
The blonde says, "Well the directions on the paint said to use three coats for best results."
The 2000 member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "EVERYONE WILLING TO TAKE A BULLET FOR JESUS STAY IN YOUR SEAT!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were about 20 people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats.
Chicago people sunbathe.
50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Chicago people plant gardens.
40 above - Italian cars won't start.
Chicago people drive with the windows down.
32 above - Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.
20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.
15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.
0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico.
Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the
sweatshirt.
20 below - People in Miami cease to exist.
Chicago people get out their winter coats.
&l
There was a little boy called jimmy who was 1 year old and his grandma and grandad were coming for lunch.his dad was in the kichen with jimmy carving the chicken jimmy asked him what he was doing his dad cut him self and said shit. so jimmy went up stairs to his mum who was her make up jimmy asked her what she was doing she went wrong and said fuck.jimmy went down stairs for a while.About half an hour later his mum and dad were having a aguement his dad called his mum a bitch so she called him a bastard.After that his dad was putting up the coats jimmy asked him what he was doing the coats fell down and he sai crap.The doorbell rang jimmy awnsered and said hello bitches and basterds may i take your crap mums up stairs fucking and dads down stairs stairs shitting
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, The French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general began to question him. The French general asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?" In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic. And that is why from that day to now, all French Army officers wear brown pants.