Clients Jokes / Recent Jokes
You get to choose your clients
Hotel, etc. expenses are directly billed
You actually receive that high hourly rate clients are paying for you.
No dress code
Close client interaction at all times
You are working nights anyway
Finally a way to fit exercise into a tight schedule
Continual feedback - every two hours or so
Not tied down working with a team (unless you want to be)
Either way you are still getting screwed
In the construction field, it is often noted that lawyers make the worst clients. However, a couple of years ago I met an old carpenter that said lawyers were always his favorite clients! When I asked him why he got so much pleasure out of having lawyers as clients he replied, "I only build coffins now."
Q. What do lawyers use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.
Q. What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A. A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q. Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A. To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
Q. What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q. What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A. A Doberman.
Q. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A. If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q. What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q. more...
Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q: What do lawyers more...
In the midst of the shaky stock market we have had this week many brokers are getting calls from their clients requesting they liquidate their holdings. One broker recounts such a call.
One of my clients call me on Thursday all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice.
He says to me "Howard sell it all sell everything, fast right away."
I try to explain to him that the market is cyclical in nature and that for long term outlook stocks still remain the place to be.
He says" John, let me tell you a secret. You know I've been married for 6 years now and I've been your client for 5."
"yes go on" I say.
"Well. My wife Lucie has this thing about the market. It's a phobia of sorts. When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the stock market and always leave all our money under the mattress. Her Great Grandparents lost it all in the great crash and ever more...
Q: Why does the ABA prohibit lawyers from having sex with clients?
A: To stop clients from being charged twice for basically the same service.
An American businessman was in Japan.
He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her.
She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to mean pleasurable..
The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo".
The Japanese clients looked confused and said "What do you mean, wrong hole."