Christmas Jokes / Recent Jokes

Do you know what would have happened if it had been three Wise
Women instead of three Wise Men?

Women would say:

They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver
the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought
practical gifts.


Here's Men's rebuttal.....

Yeah, and do you know what they said would have said when they
left?

"Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?"

"That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!"

"Can you believe they let all of those disgusting animals in the
house?"

"I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!"

"And that donkey that they are riding has seen better days too!"

"Want to bet on how long it will take until you get your casserole
dish back?"

'Twas the night before Chanukah, boychiks and maidels,
Not a sound could be heard, not even the dreidels.
The menorah was set on the chimney, just right,
In the kitchen my Bubbe hut gechapt a bite.
Salami, pastrami, a glessala tay
and zayerah pickles with bagels, oy vay!
Gezunt and geschmacht, the kindelech felt,
while dreaming of tegelach and Chanukah gelt.

The clock on the mantle it sure was a tickin',
and Bubbe was serving a schtickala chicken.
A tumult arose like a thousand bruchas,
Santa had fallen and broken his tuchas.
I put on my slippers, eins, tsvay, drei,
while Bubba was now on the herring and rye.
I grabbed my robe and buttoned my gotkes,
While Bubbe was so busy, devouring those latkes.

To the window I ran and to my surprise,
A little red yarmulke greeted my eyes.
When he got to the door and saw our menorah,
"Yiddishe kinder," he said, more...

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 1999, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious more...

Hi Erma,

This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. Then to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it, from DNA that I had just sitting around in my craft room.

By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I didn't have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand.

Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the more...

This is a stairy fory.
Tonce upon a wime there was a gritty little pearl named Prinderella. She lived with her two sisty uglers and her nicked wepstother. She weaned the clindows, flubbed the scores and did all the wirty durk, which was a shirty dame.
Don way the Cince issued a cropplamation that all geligable lung yadies should attend a drancy fess bistmas crawl.
Now poor Prinderella didn't have a drancy fess; all she had was a rirty dag.
Then, along came her gairy fedmother and in the eyeling of a twink she turned her rirty dag into a drancy fess.
So, Prinderella bent to the wall and pranced and pranced with the Cince. But, on the moke of stridnight she ran down the stalace peps and on the stottom bep slopped a dripper; which was, of course, another shirty dame.
The dext nay, the Cince issued another croplamation, that all geligable lung yadies who had attended the drancy fess ball, should sly on the tripper.
When the sisty uglers slied on the more...

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived.

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.

The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the check-ride. Santa got in, fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness, and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.

"What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously.

The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but as part of the test, you're gonna lose an engine on take-off."

Q: What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A: A list of everything you want!