Chocolate Jokes / Recent Jokes
There Was An Elderly Man At Home, Upstairs, Dying In Bed.
He Smelled The Aroma Of His Favourite Chocolate Chip Cookies Baking. He Wanted One Last Cookie Before He Died. He Fell Out Of Bed, Crawled To The Landing, Rolled Down The Stairs And Crawled Into The Kitchen Where His Wife Was Busily Baking Cookies.
With His Last Remaining Strength He Crawled To The Table And Was Just Barely Able To Lift His Withered Arm To The Cookie Sheet.
As He Grasped A Warm, Moist Chocolate Chip Cookie, His Favorite Kind, His Wife Suddenly Whacked His Hand With A Spatula.
Gasping For Breath, He Asked Her, "Why Did You Do That?"
"Those Are For The Funeral."
A man approaches an ice cream van and asks, "I'd like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please."The girl behind the counter replied, "I'm very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn't come this morning. We're out of chocolate.""In that case," the man continued, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream.""You don't understand, sir," the girl says. "We have no chocolate.""Then just give me some chocolate," he insists.Getting angrier by the second, the girl asked, "Sir, will you spell' van,' as in' vanilla?'"The man spells, "V A N.""Now spell' straw,' as in' strawberry.'""OK. S-T-R-A-W.""Now," the girl asked, "spell' stink,' as in chocolate."The man hesitates, then confused, replied, "There is no stink in chocolate.""That's what I've been trying to tell you!" she screams.
A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.
The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"
The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."
The man says, "And the Viagra?"
"Keeps him from falling out of bed."
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Editors Note: Feel free to TRY to send this joke to a friend, but with the word Viagra don't expect it to make it...
This is a weird but true story (with a moral). .. A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors: "This is the second time I have written you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I kind of sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of ice cream for dessert after dinner each night. But the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds:' What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start more...
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?" "Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue. "Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically. "Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do. 4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake. 5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner. 6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and no part of one's personal fuel. 7. Cookie pieces contain no calories -- the process of breaking causes calorie leakage. 8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae. 9. Food that have the same color more...
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but they can't remember what they are.