Chocolate Jokes / Recent Jokes
By Barbara Florio Graham
From McCall’s, June, 1983
I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I’ve found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I’ve found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently. The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people:
avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy;
split a large combination pizza with three friends;
think Oreo cookies are for kids;
nibble cashews one at a time;
think that doughnuts are indigestible;
read books they have to hold with both hands;
become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch;
fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips;
counteract the midafternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish;
exchange the more...
The little girl walked into the drugstore and asked the clerk, "Do you fit men for trusses here?" Bewildered but obliging, he replied, "Whyj yes, we do."
"Well, wash your hands," said the little girl, "I want a chocolate soda."
CHOCOLATE
Chocolate is God's way of reminding men how inadequate they are. I am vividly confronted with this fact every time my wife and I go out to a restaurant. When it gets to dessert, my wife usually orders the most chocolate-saturated dessert possible: It's the one called' Unstoppable Double-Fudge Chocolate Mudslide Explosion' or some such thing.
I always wonder why anyone would want to eat anything that promises a catastrophic natural disaster in your mouth.
The dark brown monstrosity arrives at the table, and my wife takes the first bite. Before the fork is even removed from her mouth, a small moan escapes her lips. Her eyes, previously perfectly aligned, first cross slightly and then faze completely, pupils dilating in pure chocolate pleasure before the eyelids clamp down in ecstasy. The hand not holding the fork clenches into a fist and starts pounding the table. The silverware rattles.
After about six minutes of this, she finally more...
One day these for kids bought a house one girl had to use the rest room and she heard this sound sittin on a chocolate island and she told her friends and they checked everywhere and then the girl said i heard it by the toilit and when they looked they saw a fly on a huge peice of dodo and the fly said sittin on a chocolate island.
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in hospital.
"How are you grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. .. and that's it. I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge. He asks, "What are you people doing, I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the head-nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The more...
Once there was a kid who found a peice of chocolate.He thought it looked kind of round.The next morning he went back to peice of chocolate.He thought if he should eat it or not.So he stuck his finger on it and tasted it.He barfed in 5 seconds.He found out it was...
...POOP!