Chocolate Jokes / Recent Jokes

15 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex
1. You can GET chocolate.
2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
3. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
5. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
6. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
7. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
8. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.
9. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
10. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
11. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
12. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
13. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
14. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake
15. With chocolate size doesn't more...

An old man was laying on his death bed. He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled chocolate chip cookies. He loved chocolate chip cookies more than anything else in the world. With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, and to the stairs. Then down the stairs and into the kitchen. There his wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. As he reached for one, he got SMACKED across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding. "Leave them alone!" she said, "They're for the funeral!"

Chocolate, the 5th food group:Chocolate is a vegetable: Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Beans = vegetable.Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.The problem: how to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: eat it in the parking lot.Diet tip: eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look more...

A man was in an ice cream parlor waiting to buy some ice cream. There was one lady in front of him. She ordered a chocolate cone.
The soda-jerk told her he's sorry but they have run out of chocolate. She said, " OK, then I'll have some chocolate."
He told her, " Lady, I'm out of chocolate."
Once again she said, " OK, I'll just have some chocolate."
Exasperated, he said, " Lady, spell VAN as in vanilla."
She spelled van.
He said, " Good, now spell STRAW as in strawberry."
She spelled straw.
He said, " Good, now spell FUCK as in chocolate."
The lady said, " There is no fuck in chocolate."
He replied, "That's what I'm trying to tell you."

Men are like chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

In The Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, And darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And so God created Man in His own image; Male and female He created them.
And God looked upon Man and Woman And saw that they were lean and fit. And God populated the earth With broccoli and cauliflower and spinach And green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, So Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And so the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained five pounds.
And so God created the healthful yogurt, That Woman might keep her figure. But the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained five pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And the Devil more...

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.
"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. The old lady answers, "We just love the chocolate around them!"