Cars Jokes / Recent Jokes
What’s the difference between a man and a lawnmower?
Lawnmowers don’t bitch after they cut the yard.
What’s a man’s idea of a romantic evening?
A candlelit football stadium.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
How can you tell good mushrooms from bad ones?
Serve them to your mother-in-law. If she drops dead, they’re good!
Did you hear about the man who got caught masturbating while on board a commercial airliner?
He was arrested for skyjacking!
How are men like vacations?
They never seem to be long enough!
How do you scare a man?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
What food describes most men?
Jerky.
Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
Women working at 900 more...
Four guys were telling stories in a bar. One guy leaves to go to the restroom. Three guys are left...
The first guy says, "I was worried that my son was going to be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because he started out raking leaves for a realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his birthday."
The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. MY son started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. Well, HE got a break, they made HIM a broker, and now he owns the brokerage firm. In fact, he's so rich that he just more...
Subject: If cars were *really* like computers
What if cars really were like computers? You'd have a helpline to assist in solving problems as they came up... Now just imagine if the same people that answer the phones at Microsoft had to answer the General Motors helpline...
HelpLine:' General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'
Customer:' I can get in through the driver's side door just fine, but I can't open the passenger's side.'
HelpLine:' How did you try to open the passenger's side?'
Customer:' I pulled up on the handle, just like on the other side.'
HelpLine:' People are always making that mistake. You have to push on the passenger's side. Remember, you're always moving the handle toward the left of the car. It's more consistent that way.'
HelpLine:' General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?'
Customer:' How do I turn my windshield wipers on?'
HelpLine:' There's a little button more...
Reasons why a normal Car is a far superior vehicle than a F1 Car"Hundreds of people and tens of millions of dollars go into building an F1 car, but a normal car is a far superior vehicle. You wonder what goes through those guys' minds when design their cars. THEY'RE ALL WRONG!!!!" No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft! No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head. No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to. No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while. No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other. No ashtrays and electric more...
There were three men. Joe, Rich, and Scott.
They were all camping in the woods, and they knew they had to stop for
the
night. Joe suggested they stop where they were right there, a nice
clear,
wooded area. Rich agreed, but Scott disagreed, because there was nothing
interesting around, only trees.
They kept hiking for a little longer, and came across a small clear area,
right next to the highway. Both Joe and Rich wanted to saty there because
there was no stumps, or moss around, and the sounds of the cars could
help
to put them asleep. Scott said no, because he found a small ant farm 500
meters away, and was scared the ants might come, and get them.
SO they kept hiking, and finally, they came to the end of the woods, and
stepped onto the highway. Scott was mystified, and wanted to sleep right
smack dab in the middle of the highway. It was interesting, and he wanted
to look at all the more...
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed; however, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked.
"Uhhh, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch ALL the fish?"
Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call. The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As more...