Cars Jokes / Recent Jokes

The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones. AOL would pass a new car more...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept
up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the more...

Reasons why a normal Car is a far superior vehicle than a F1 Car"Hundreds of people and tens of millions of dollars go into building an F1 car, but a normal car is a far superior vehicle. You wonder what goes through those guys' minds when design their cars. THEY'RE ALL WRONG!!!" No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft! No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head. No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to. No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while. No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other. No ashtrays and electric more...

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments/General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless more...

We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes.
When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also do not need to stop.
If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the intersection, regardless of the current color of the light.
The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
If you paid more than $60, 000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.
Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.
Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible.
While driving on the more...

There were three men. Joe, Rich, and Scott.
They were all camping in the woods, and they knew they had to stop for
the
night. Joe suggested they stop where they were right there, a nice
clear,
wooded area. Rich agreed, but Scott disagreed, because there was nothing
interesting around, only trees.
They kept hiking for a little longer, and came across a small clear area,
right next to the highway. Both Joe and Rich wanted to saty there because
there was no stumps, or moss around, and the sounds of the cars could
help
to put them asleep. Scott said no, because he found a small ant farm 500
meters away, and was scared the ants might come, and get them.
SO they kept hiking, and finally, they came to the end of the woods, and
stepped onto the highway. Scott was mystified, and wanted to sleep right
smack dab in the middle of the highway. It was interesting, and he wanted
to look at all the different liscence plates, as they more...

Bill Gates is the owner of Microsoft and GMC is a large car
company. Gates recently told GMC what would happen if Microsoft
produced GMC cars:
1. They would cost about $5. 00 each
2. You would be able to change the colors and the arrangement of
parts at any time.
3. It would give you directions and basically travel for you.
4. Free internet access
5. A Christmas card from Bill Gates every year.
GMC in return added what would happen:
1. Every 5 minutes it would freeze in the middle of the road.
2. Before starting the engine, speeding up, slowing down, etc.,
it would ask you if you're sure you want to do this
3. You would have to get a new car every two years because the
old one becomes outdated and can't function on the roads anymore.
4. The NT and MS-DOS cars would cost a little bit more, but
would run better and have free DSL.