Carefully Jokes / Recent Jokes

A giant ship engine failed in the mid of the ocean. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.
Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!. The ship came to the land safely.
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized more...

I am sure you can imagine
It's as simple as can be.
The place is picadilly
The players are he and she.
She whispered "Will it hurt me"
"of course not", answered he,
It's a very simple process.
You can rely on me.
She said I am frightened,
I've not had it done before.
He started to convince her,
It would not hurt at all.
Finally she consented,
and he started on it.
Half an hour later
Neither spoke a word.
It was rather painful.
Tears in her eyes.
It's hurting quite a bit now.
It must be quite a size.
"Now calm yourself my dear" said he.
His face betrayed a grin.
Just open slightly wider
Let me get more in.
It's coming now he told her.
Suddenly he gave a shout.
Thank god,
You pulled it out.
Now if you read it carefully
It's a dentist you will find,
and not what you are thinking.
It's just your dirty mind.

Glenn took his dog to the veterinary clinic, and laid its limp body on the table. The doctor pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the dog's chest for a moment, then shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away.""What?" Glenn screamed. "You haven't even done any tests! I want another opinion."The vet left the room and returned in a few moments with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever sniffed the dog on the table carefully from head to toe. Finally, the Retriever shook it's head and barked once (meaning "dead and gone").The vet took the Labrador away and returned a few minutes later with a cat, which also sniffed carefully over the dog on the table before shaking its head and saying, "Meow" (meaning "he's gone"). After the cat jumped off the table, the vet handed Glenn a bill for $600. The man shook the bill at the vet. "$600!!!! Just to tell me my dog is dead?!!! That's outrageous!"The vet more...

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.

Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.

Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish more...

Glenn took his dog to the veterinary clinic, and laid its limp body on the table. The doctor pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the dog's chest for a moment, then shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."
"What?" Glenn screamed. "You haven't even done any tests! I want another opinion."
The vet left the room and returned in a few moments with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever sniffed the dog on the table carefully from head to toe. Finally, the Retriever shook it's head and barked once (meaning "dead and gone").
The vet took the Labrador away and returned a few minutes later with a cat, which also sniffed carefully over the dog on the table before shaking its head and saying, "Meow" (meaning "he's gone").
After the cat jumped off the table, the vet handed Glenn a bill for $600. The man shook the bill at the vet. "$600!!!! Just to tell me my dog is dead?!!! That's more...

After the Class was over the teacher had to help putting shoes to little Thomas as usual. One fine day his shoes were very tight the young teacher had a hell of a time to put them on. When al last the job was done.
1) Thomas points out to the young lady that the shoes were on wrong feet.
2) Teacher looked at them carefully and they were really on the wrong feet, so she fought removing them and fit them on again correctly and carefully.
3) Then Thomas:- Those are really not my shoes.
4) Teacher looked at him terrifying and said' 'WHY COULD'NT YOU TELL THAT BEFORE'' She removed them after a heavy struggle.
5) Then Thomas told her that these shoes belong to his brother, because it was cold his Mom wanted him to wear them this Morning.
6) Finely the Teacher holding her mouth tight, not letting out any nasty words, breathing hard and got his shoes inserted again.
7) And then the young exhausted teachers told Thomas Okay fine now put your gloves on hurry more...

Two hunters traveled to Canada to hunt moose. They searched around and found a bush pilot with a good
reputation. They hired him and had him fly them to a cabin located by a small remote lake in the
Northwest Territories. The pilot carefully landed the plane on the lake, and let the two hunters off
at the pier. Over the roar of his engine, the pilot told them, "Now this lake is mighty short, and I
won't have much room to take off, so I can only take out one moose. OK, fellas?"
The hunters readily agreed. The pilot said he would return in one week, turned his plane around, and
flew off.
One week later, the pilot returned. He carefully landed his plane on the lake, pull up to the pier,
and looked out in dismay. There sat the two hunters on the pier, all smiles, with two dead moose. The
pilot shut off his engine, climbed out, and told the hunters, "Listen fellas. I told you, only one
moose."
Both hunters more...