Canary Jokes / Recent Jokes

Calvin went to Pearson's Pet Shop to complain that his canary wouldn't sing. "File the beak just a little," said the owner, "and the bird will sing. But if you file it too much, the canary will die." Two weeks later Pearson ran into Calvin on the street and asked about his canary. "He died," said Calvin. "But I told you not to file the beak too much." "I didn't," explained Calvin, "but by the time I got him out of the vise, he was already dead."

A husband walks into a pet store and asks the pet store owner if he could have a canary for his wife?
Pet store owner: Sorry sir we dont make trades.

What do you call a minor bird accident?
A feather bender.
Why did the duck go ring-ring?
He got a phone bill.
What did the little bird say to the big bird?
Peck on someone your own size.
What do you call a formal dance for ducks?
A fowl ball.
What kind of ducks rob banks?
Safe quackers.
Why was the duck unhappy?
His bill was in the mail.
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Why did the pigeon need to get out?
He was cooped up at home all week.
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Which bird does construction work?
The crane!
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Which birds work underground?
Myna (miner) birds.
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What kind of doctor treats a duck?
A quack doctor!
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What kind of weather excites a pet duck?
Fowl weather, of course!
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What holiday is strictly observed by all birds?
Feather's Day!
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Where can birds play professional baseball?
In the mynah leagues!
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How can you tell a miser more...

A short elderly woman burst into a pet store. "I want to buy a canary, but it's got to be a good singer! I've got good, hard US cash, but I'm only paying for a good singer."

The shop owner began moving a ladder towards a small cage on a shelf about fifteen feet up, near the ceiling of the store. "Ma'am, I've been in this business for forty years and the best singer I've ever heard is in that cage."

"Don't think I'm gonna feel obligated to pay for something I don't want just because you're climbing up a ladder like a monkey. I want a canary, but it's got to be a singer."

By this point, the shop keeper was coming down the ladder. "Ma'am, this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso!" He placed the cage on the counter and the bird burst into melody after melody.

Awed, the woman murmured, "Why, he is a good singer." Suddenly she screamed, "Hey, this bird's only got one leg!"

The more...

These are some real people's names, and what they grew up to be. They are all true:
1.) Iccolo Miccolo played the piccolo for the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra.
2.) H.M. Balmer was a funeral director in Fort Collins, Colorado.
3.) Miss Birdie Snyder married C. Canary and became Birdie Canary.
4.) Perhaps it was best to ignore the orders of Dr. Besick, a doctor in Chicago, Illinois.
5.) The Clipper brothers worked as barbers in Bakersfield, California.
6.) Mr. Thrift of Keepit, Australia, won the $30,000 first prize in a lottery.
7.) D. Sharp was a radio tenor.
8.) Dr. H.A. Toothacre worked as dentist for the Burlington, Iowa, Independent School District.
9.) B.F. Parsons was a parson who lived in the parsonage on Parson Street in Sarna, Michigan.
10.) Greg Lawless was a police officer.
And Finally...
11.) A.C. Current was an electrical contractor in Tontogany, Ohio. His son's name? D.C. Current.

Q: What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?

A: Tweetie Pie

A man was passing a house where a sign was posted: BEWARE OF THE CANARY. He saw the house owner outside, watering the lawn, and asked, "Why should anyone beware of a canary?"
The house owner simply replied, "This one whistles for the dog."