Canada Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin? A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war.

UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM
SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
(Time Limit: 3 Weeks)
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient
Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature,
law and social conditions
-OR-
give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (please check
only one answer)
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is
0. 0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is
on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given?
(approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north
called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- more...

1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.

2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

3. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

4. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

5. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

6. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie withonly 8 buttons.

7. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

8. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

9. You find -40c a little chilly.

10. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.

11. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.

12. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

13. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in more...

On my last trip to Canada, I had the rare pleasure of meeting the leading historian of this great country. Out of curiosity I asked him how their county got it's name.

Below is his explanation...

There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada.

"You know," said the first explorer, "we should name this place we're hiking through."

"I agree," said the second explorer.
"Great idea" quipped the third explorer.
"We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."

"Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh."
The second said: "N, eh."
The first... "D, eh."

And now you know the story.

The September issue of "Playboy" magazine will feature Paris Hilton impersonator Natalie Reid of Canada.
Incidentally, Reid has officially replaced curling as Canada's most pathetic export.

A Belgian met a Dutch friend, who was driving a Rolls Royce and spending money like water.
' How did you het so rich?' the Belgian asked.
' I went to Canada, to shoot bears. The fur coats are very expensive.'
' How do you go about shooting bears?'
' It's very simple. You should go there in winter. When you enter a cave you will find a bear. Since it is in hybernation, it is very easy to shoot it.'
Three months later they meet again. This time the Belgian is entirely wrapped in bandages.
' What has happened to you?'
' Well' the Belgian replies:' I went to Canada, I entered a cave with my gun, and then suddenly... the train came'.

UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION (Time Limit: 3 Weeks)1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: A. build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY4. What religion is the Pope? (please check only one answer) A. Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5? 7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)8. What are people in America's far north called? A. Westerners(b) Southerners(c) Northerners9. Spell - Bush, Carter and Clinton10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.11. Where does rain come from? A. Macy's (b) a more...