Canada Jokes / Recent Jokes
Examination to Qualify for Entrance to UNLV (basketball players only) Time Limit: 3 weeks *1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY4. What religion is the Pope? (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic (check only one)5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0. 0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5? 7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)8. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners (d) Easterners9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton. 10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five. 11. Where does rain more...
An old lady, carrying a bag of money, entered the Bank of Canada and insisted on speaking with the bank president to open a savings account since, "It is a lot of money!"
After arguing back and forth with her, the bank staff finally showed her into the president's office. When he asked her how much she would like to deposit, she replied $175,000 and emptied the bag on his desk. Curious as to how she came by all this cash, he asked, "This is an awful lot of cash to be carrying around. Where did you get all this money?"
"I make bets," the old lady replied.
"What kind of bets?" asked the president.
"I'll give you an example," she said. "I will bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"What a stupid bet. You can't win that kind of bet," chuckled the president.
"Well, do you accept my bet?" challenged the old lady.
"Sure. I'll bet you $25,000 that my balls are not more...
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market.
A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied
that he did not need a whole head, but only half a head.
The boy said he would ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, 'There is some arsehole out there who wants to buy only a half-head of lettuce.'
As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the mall standing right behind him, so he added, 'and this gentleman wants to buy the other'.
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager called on the boy and said, 'You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?'
The boy replied, 'Canada sir.'
'Oh really? Why did you leave more...
there was three guys walking a long a road there was a canadian usuma bin larden and uncel sam.
they came across a lamp and picked it up and rubed it out came a geini it said "you can have 1 wish each for there are three of you and makes a grand totall of 3 wishes".
so the canadian wishes for all the soil in canada to be firtil and it was and there he was in canada.
then usuma bin larden said "i want you to build a wall around afghanistan so no one can get in or out" the geini granted his wish and he was home with a big wall around afghanistan.
uncle sam was intrested in usama bin larden wish and asked how big is this wall the geini replied "it is 150,000 high and invicebal to all atacks" uncel sam says after a while
"fill it with water"
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money.
She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a
savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing,
the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is
always right!).
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She
replied, $165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The
president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked
her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you
get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked,
"Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you
$25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a
stupid more...
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!)
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. "Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never more...
PRESS RELEASE: Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement: CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM! WE HAVE PLEDGED:- 2 BATTLE SHIPS,- 600 GROUND TROOPS,- 6 FIGHTER JETS. AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:- 2 CANOES,- 6 MOUNTIES,- AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS