Canada Jokes / Recent Jokes

Connecticut Attorney General and Senate hopeful Richard Blumenthal says all misconceptions about his military service will be cleared up in his new book detailing his Vietnam experience.  The book is entitled, "Canada on $20 a Day." 

David Greenland is an expert on Land Resource Planning.
Anthony Pinto is Production Manager of Ford Motor Company. (No! the car was not named after him)
Dr Coffin is the head of the CMA. (Canadian Medical Association)
Peter Nix is a toxicologist at Environment Canada.
Rik Scarce is in jail for non-revelation of his sociology study sources
Otto Matt was a pioneer in digital cartography
Sergei Chilibashwilli - Soviet athlete who fatally bashed his willy on the concrete platform at the Edmonton Student Games.
Andrew Payer is an auditor in the pay office of Health and Welfare Canada
John Trout works for Environmental Communications.
Dr. M. Gawk-roger is my opthalmologist.
Bill Hogg is a hobby farmer and physician.
Nancy Savage is a corporate lawyer.
Byrd Airport in Richmond VA.
Sally Ryde was the first woman to have a ride in the Space shuttle Challenger. Lucky she didn't get the second.
Wendy Parkes is a bureaucrat in Parks more...

Time Limit: 3 weeks
Foreign Language: What Language is spoken in France?
History: Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law, and social conditions
-OR-
Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
Literature: Would you ask William Shakespeare to
A. build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
Religion: What religion is the Pope?
A. Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (circle only one)
Metric Conversion: How many feet equal 0.0 meters?
Physics: What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
Religion: How many commandments were Moses given? (approximately)
Geography: What are people in America's far north called?
A. Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
American History: Spell Bush, Carter, and Clinton.
European History: Six kings of England have more...

Bureau Termination, Law of: When a government bureau is scheduled to be phased out, the number of employees in that bureau will double within 12 months after the decision is made.
Brooke's Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Calkin's Law of Menu Language: The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.
Canada Bill Jones's Motto: It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Canada Bill Jones's Supplement: A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
Carlson's Consolation: Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.
Carson's Observation on Footwear: If the shoe fits, buy the other one, more...

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had jurt celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money. They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165, 000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lad says, "I make bets". The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "for example, I'll bet you $25, 000 that your balls are square". "Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet". The old lady says,"So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25, 000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady says "OK, but since there is a lot of more...

The beers at this summit were Molson and Corona.