Business Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three guys enter a candy store. The first guy approaches the clerk and asks for 10 cents worth of jellybeans.
Since the jellybeans are on the top shelf, the clerk goes into another room, brings out a ladder, gets the jellybeans down, takes out 10 cents worth, puts the jellybeans back on the top shelf, and puts the ladder away.
Then, he goes to the second guy and asks what he wants. He, too, wants 10 cents worth of jellybeans.
So, the clerk goes into the other room, brings out the ladder, gets the jellybeans down and takes out 10 cents worth. Before putting them back up on the top shelf, he turns to the third guy and asks, "Do you want 10 cents worth of jellybeans?"
"No, thank you," he replies.
Hearing that, the clerk puts the jellybeans back up on the top shelf and puts the ladder away.
He returns to the third guy and asks, "So, what would you like?"
"I'd like 5 cents worth of jellybeans!" he replies.

In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B19293, Judge Lance Ito, PresidingWile E. Coyote, Plaintiff-vs. - Acme Company, DefendantOpening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, more...

A young man was heading home to spend the holidays with his parents. When he got to the airline counter, he presented his ticket to Chicago. He then gave the agent his luggage and said, "I'd like you to send my red suitcase to Bermuda and my green suitcase to London."
"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't do that," replied the confused agent.
"Really??" replied the young man. "Well, I'm very relieved to hear you say that... because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"

An inventor goes to the patent office, sees the patent officer and says, "I've got an invention; it's a folding bottle. I call it a fottle, get it? - folding bottle - fottle."
"Very nice, sir," the patent officer says. "Do you have any other inventions?"
"Yes, I do. I also have a folding carton; I call it a farton," replies the inventor.
"I'm sorry, sir," the officer says, "but that is an inappropriate name; it's disgusting."
"Oh," groans the inventor, "then I guess you wouldn't be interested in my folding bucket."

Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.

A Realtor, driving his buyers around looking at houses, is suddenly pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the Realtor’s car door, and the Realtor says "Is there a problem officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir you were speeding. Can I see your driver’s license please?"
The driver responds, "I can’t give it to you – because I don`t have one..."
"You don`t have one," asks the policeman?
The Realtor responds, "I lost it 4 times for drunk driving..."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration please?"
"I am sorry, I can do that either," replies the Realtor, as the homebuyers in the back seat look stunned.
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car," the Realtor responds, as the homebuyers in the back seat look shocked.
The Officer says, "Stole it?"
The Realtor says, "Yes I stole it, more...

If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it, you'll need it but never know where it is.