Bullet Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was pregnant with triplets when a robber came through her door and shot her three times. One bullet went into each of the children.
At the hospital, the doctor told her that all of her children were fine, but that sometime in their lives, they would pass the bullets in their stool.
Years later, one of the woman's teen-age daughters approached her and said, "Mom! You'll never guess what happened!"
Mom said, "You passed a bullet, didn't you?" Shocked at her mother's reply, the daughter asked how she knew, and Mom told her the story.
A week later the other teenage daughter had the same experience. "Mom!" she said, "You'll never guess what happened to me!" Mom guessed correctly, sat her down and told her the story.
The following week, the woman's teen-age son approached her and exclaimed, "Mom! You'll never guess what happended to me!"
"You pooped a bullet, didn't you?"
"No," said the more...

I found this on a wall at Iowa State University.
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THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God
THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Talks with God
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without more...

a man and his best friend have a 12:00 pm tee time the man waits and his best friend doesnt show up he figures he mght have got held up at home and goes on without him he joins up with a guy on the first tee and he notices that this man has a very LARGE golf bag he kind of ignores it at first and continues playing golf... then he finally ask his new golfing buddy "why is your bag so big?" the other guy said "well sir to be honest... uhh maybe we should go behind that bush over there" so they go behind the bush and the man with the large bag looks around and says "alright my bag is so big because im a sniper" the man looks puzzled "like a hit man?" the hitman says "yea like a hitman would u like to see the gun i just got a new scope u should look through it" so the guy says ok and picks up the huge gun and looks through the scope and says" wow! i can see for miles....hey i can see my house and there is my wife...shes naked! and more...

A man (If you like, a blond) who often travels by plane calculates the probability of there being a bomb on any given flight. It's low, but not low enough, so the man always carries a bomb in his suitcase knowing that he'll be safe.

After all, the odds of two bombs on a flight are almost impossible!

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BONUS JOKE VARIATION!!!

A man went to a hunting shop and asked if he could buy one bullet. The clerk thought for a second and said, sure, why not. The man gets his bullet and takes out a pen and meticulously inscribes his name on the bullet.

The clerk, watching this says, "hey buddy, why'd you write on your bullet?"

"Well, they say there's a bullet out there with my name on it, so I figured I'd better keep track of it!"

this women was 8 months pregnant with triplet boys. while out one night she was shot 3 times. they rush her to the hospital and were able to save her and the babies but were not able to get the bullets out of the 3 babies. six years pass and the first little boy comes running out of the bathroom and up to his mother and shouts" momMy mommy i just shit a bullet" she explanins to him that when she was pregnant she got shot but the bullet was out of him and now he is fine. about 15 min. later the second little boy comes running out and tells her the same thing so she tells him that the bullet is out so he is fine now. then the third little boy comes running out and startes to say something so she cuts him off and says "I KNOW I KNOW YOU SHIT A BULLET " HE SAYS NO I WAS PLAYING WITH MYSELF AND I SHOT THE DOG!!

A pregnant women gets caught up in a bank raid and gets shot in the stoumach 3 times
.she survies but the doctors say that each of her children will pee out a bullet when they are older.She has 3 children 2 girls and a boy.when her first daughter is 6 she runs to her mum and says "mummy mummy i wee weed out a bullet" her mum replies "its ok darling"
.when her second daughter is nine she shouts to her mum and says"mum i peed out a bullet" she replies "thats ok"
When her son is 13 he runs down the stairs and "shouts mum mum" she says "calmley i know you peed out a bullet" he says "no i was having a wank and i shot the dog!".

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter.

The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that he could recognize any animal's skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole. This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started.

The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on. They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin.

After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "And it was shot with a. 22 rifle."

He was right!

The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before. When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round. So more...