Bridge Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some items have the strangest directions/ warnings. Here are a few I've noticed.
On a toilet plunger: Do not use as an umbrella.
On a carton of milk: May contain dairy products.
On a tricycle: Will hurt if on top of someone.
On popcorn: Will pop if heated.
On candy: Directions: Take of wrapper, insert into mouth, chew, and swallow. (No, really?)
On bean bags used for juggling: Do not eat.
On lunchmeat: Do not mistake as toilet paper.
On Gameboy: To play, you must have a thumb.
After computer error: Keyboard malfunction, press enter to continue.
On coke bottle: Do not try to insert head.
On skateboard: May move if rode on.
On shampoo bottle: Warning: May create a lather.
Roadsign: Warning: Unfinished bridge 3 miles.
*3 miles later* We told you there was an unfinished bridge!

The Polish were upset because of their bad reputation. A group of them got together and approached a conference of Americans, Germans, and Japanese and asked for help on this matter. An American replied, "You must do something so the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology and the Germans are known for their resourcefulness. We Americans have had respect since we helped win the World War against the other two. See, you need to do something world-famous." A German added," Yes, he`s right. Why don`t you find a place in this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build, build it, come back to us, and we will help publicize it." With that, the Polish set off to build their bridge. They designed it and worked 6 months and finally completed it. They then went back to report it to the group. The bridge was a beautiful bridge but it had one flaw: it was erected in the middle of the Sahara Desert. An American said, "No, no. See, more...

A man was walking down the beach when he found a bottle. He picks up the bottle, and a genie comes out. The genie says that he will grant him one wish.' Well, I'd like to go to Hawaii. But, I'm afraid of flying and I don't like the idea of going in a boat. So, I wish there was a bridge from here to Hawaii.' says the man.' That's impossible!' says the genie.' You'll have to make another wish.'' Ok, I want to know how to be a successful computer programmer.' says the man.' How many lanes do you want on that bridge?' asks the genie.

A blonde and a brunette decided to hold a contest. The contest was simple: they would both jump off a bridge and see who would hit the water first.
They both jumped off the bridge at the same time. Who hit the water first?
The brunette did. The blonde stopped halfway down and asked for directions.

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing. He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life."Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind.""Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly..."My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.
He thought to himself, "Life isn''t so bad after all," and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.
"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."
"Dancing? I''m not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly...
"My asshole itches, and I can''t scratch it!"

A truck driver was driving along and passed a sign that said "low bridge ahead."
Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he got stuck under it.
Cars were backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car. He walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver said, "No officer. I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!"