Bridge Jokes / Recent Jokes

A trucker driving along on the freeway notices a road sign in the distance that reads' Low Bridge Ahead.'Sure enough, the trucker gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.Finally, a police officer arrives at the scene. The cop gets out of his cruiser and walks around to the truck driver. He puts his hands on his hips and remarks, "Looks like you got stuck, huh?"The trucker replies sarcastically, "No, officer, actually I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas!"

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said,
'OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes, so you can forget about three. You only get one wish.'
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said,
'I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?'
The genie laughed and said, 'That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel! No, think of another wish.'
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said,
'I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I more...

A man had just lost his job and was feeling very depressed, so he climbed up onto the railing of a high bridge and was ready to jump. He happened to look down and saw a little man with no arms dancing all around the riverbank below.
He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and he got down from the railing. He then walked down to the riverbank to thank the man for saving his life.
"Thank you," he said, "I was feeling so depressed that I was going to jump off the bridge and kill myself. Then I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms, and I changed my mind."
"Dancing? Who the hell is dancing?!?" the armless man replied bitterly. "My asshole is itchy and I can't scratch it!"

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the
edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well... are you religious or atheist?"
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed
Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or more...

Little Sammy was studying Torah for his Bar Mitzvah and was asked what he had learned in Hebrew school one day.' Well, momma, the rabbi told us how GoD sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.' When they got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the Jews walked across safely. Then the Egyptians followed and Moses used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for air cover. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge, drown the Egyptians, and the Israelites were saved.'

' Now, Sammy, is that really what the rabbi taught you?' his mother asked.

' Well, no, momma, but if I told it the way the rabbi did, you'd never believe it!'

There were 2 rednecks that lived on opposite sides of the river. One was named Clearance and the other Billy.
They would always threaten to beat the crap out of each other, but said they couldn't because the river was keeping them from getting to each other.
They swore that if there was ever a bridge made that they would go across and fight.
Well a few years went by and they began to build a bridge. When it was done, Billy's wife told him to go fight Clearance since there was a bridge now. So he decided to head that way.
In the middle of the bridge, there was a sign that said "Clearance 11ft 3in.
All of a sudden Billy's wife heard a banging on the door. There was her husband, out of breath.
She asked "Well did you fight him?"
He said "No."
"Well why not?" she asked.
"Because Clearance didn't look eleven feet three inches from across the river."

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"