Book Jokes / Recent Jokes
The following are actual incidents reported...#1A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then, he discovered the problem - a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of change.#2A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.#3A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. more...
The World's Shortest Books25. "My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by O. J. Simpson24. "To All The Men I've Loved Before" by Ellen DeGeneres23. "The Book of Virtues" by Bill Clinton22. The Difference between Reality and Dilbert21. Human Rights Advances in China20. "Things I Wouldn't Do for Money" by Dennis Rodman19. Al Gore: The Wild Years18. Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean17. America's Most Popular Lawyers16. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors15. Detroit - A Travel Guide14. Different Ways to Spell "Bob"13. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches12. Easy UNIX11. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance10. Everything Men Know About Women9. Everything Women Know About Men8. French Hospitality7. George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names6. "How to Sustain a Musical Career" by Art Garfunkel5. Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette4. Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA3. Staple Your Way to Success2. The Amish more...
A husband and wife went on vacation to a fishing resort. The husband enjoyed fishing at the crack of dawn, while the wife preferred to read.
One morning, the husband returned after fishing for a few hours and decided to take a nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. Not being familiar with the lake, she rowed out, anchored the boat and began to read her book.
A short time later, the sheriff pulled up alongside in his boat, and said, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replied.
"I'm sorry, but you're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.
"But Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?" the woman argued.
"But you have all the equipment, ma'am. I'm going to have to take you in and write you up," he replied.
"Well, if you do that then I will charge you with rape," snapped the irate woman.
"I haven't even touched you," grumbled the more...
A Welsh girl called Gwyneth visited Japan recently. There, people had problems pronouncing her name so she became Gwyniss. Everywhere she went, she was greeted with tremendous respect. At a farewell reception, her host said, "We've been so excited to have a famous author in our midst." "What am I supposed to have written?" she asked, baffled.
"Why, The Gwyniss Book of Records."
A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.
St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy,' You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one REALLY GOOD DEED-- you're in.'
The guy thinks for a moment and says,' Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of thugs assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of' em harassing this terrified young woman. Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the thugs formed a circle around me. more...
"Hillary Clinton's book hits the stores this Monday. Oh boy, it took her a long time to write it. But in her defense, every time she tried to use the desk, Bill was always using it for a date."?
- Jay Leno
Father: Why Are You Making Holes In Your Note Book Pages?
Son: Because My Teacher Told Me To Go Through The Book