Book Jokes / Recent Jokes

"My Beautiful Mommy," a new children’s book, aims to explain plastic surgery.

Other titles in the series include, "My Drunken Daddy", "My Promiscuous Sister," and "My Friendly Priest."

25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS - by O.J. Simpson 24. THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION 23. TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE - by Ellen DeGeneres 22. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT 21. HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA 20. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY - by Dennis Rodman 19. THE WILD YEARS - by Al Gore 18. AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN 17. AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS 16. CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS 15. DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE 14. DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB 13. DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES 12. EASY UNIX 11. ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE AND AGRICULTURE 10. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN 9. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN 8. FRENCH HOSPITALITY 7. GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES 6. HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER - by Art Garfunkel 5. MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE 4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES - by the EPA 3. STAPLE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS 2. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORYAnd the Number one World's Shortest more...

A library is a somewhat easy place to annoy the people sitting around you, but for those of you with less then stellar creativity, we have made a list of things you can do...1. Read out loud. Very loud. And slowly.2. While pointing to a very simple word, like 'the', ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you.3. While looking at your book, turn so you're facing the person. Then, peer over the top of your book, and say "PEEKABOO!!"4. Put down you book, and look over and start reading the other persons book, and, either 1) say "Ooo. Nice book." or 2) when he/she looks at you, quickly pick up your book and act like your reading it.5. Suddenly look over at him/her, and say, "You're one of THEM!"6. Put down you book, and look at him/her. When they says something like "what?", cut them off by saying "Are you accusing me of something?"7. Read your book. Upside down.8. Read your book from right to left. And flip the pages the more...

The head psychiatrist at a local mental hospital was examining patients to see whether they were ready to re-enter society.
"Well, John," the doctor said to one of the patients, "I see by your chart that you have been recommended for dismissal. Have you given any thought to what you might do once you are released?"
John thought for a few moments, then replied, "I did go to school for mechanical engineering. That still appears to be a good field which pays well. Then again, I was even thinking about writing a book about my experiences as a patient here. There may be a lot of people who would be interested in reading a book like that. I may even go back to college and study art history. I've grown quite interested in that lately."
"They all sound like very intriguing possibilities," the doctor said.
"Thank you," replied John. "and the best part is, in my spare time, I can continue to be a teapot."

The new mother got out of bed for the first time since her childbirth dressed in her robe and walked down the hospital hallway to the nurses desk where she asked for a phone book.
"What are you doing out here! You should be in your room resting," the nurse exclaimed.
"I want to search through the phone book for a name for my baby," the new mother replied.
"You don't have to do that here. The hospital furnished a booklet to all new mothers to assist them in picking a first name for their baby."
"You don't understand," the woman said and frowned. "My baby already has a FIRST name!"

25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O J Simpson
24. THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION
23. TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE-by Ellen DeGeneres
22. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT
21. HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA
20. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY-by Dennis Rodman
19. THE WILD YEARS-by Al Gore
18. AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
17. AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
16. CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS
15. DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
14. DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB
13. DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
12. EASY UNIX
11. ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE AND AGRICULTURE
10. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
9. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
8. FRENCH HOSPITALITY
7. GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES
6. HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER-by Art Garfunkel
5. MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES-by the EPA
3. STAPLE YOUR WAY TO more...

The new mother got out of bed for the first time since her childbirth dressed in her robe and walked down the hospital hallway to the nurses desk where she asked for a phone book."What are you doing out here! You should be in your room resting," the nurse exclaimed."I want to search through the phone book for a name for my baby," the new mother replied."You don't have to do that here. The hospital furnished a booklet to all new mothers to assist them in picking a first name for their baby.""You don't understand," the woman said and frowned. "My baby already has a FIRST name!"