Boat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two old guys were fishing in a boat on Lake Michigan. A bottle comes floating by in the current. One codger scoops it up, sees a cork in the top, and yanks it out.A genie pops out in a puff of smoke and says, "You get one wish between the two of you-make it a good one."The old man in the front of the boat yells back to his fishing buddy. "Lemme handle this-I know just what to ask for!"He looks at the genie and says, "We want the whole lake to be turned into ice cold beer!" The genie nods and says, "You got it, boys!"And instantaneously, the whole lake is beer! The old man in the back of the boat throws a life preserver, smacks his buddy up-side the head, and yells out, "You idiot! Why the heck did you do that?"""Whadaya talking about?" the other fisherman answers. "I thought you'd like a lake-full of beer. What's the problem?""I do like it...but the problem is...now we gotta piss in the boat!!!"

Sphen and Olly are out fishing and they are catchin tons and tons of fish, so olly turns to sphen and says we should but a mark on this spot for another time because this is really good fishing. So sphen pulls out a magig marker and buts a huge X on the boat were he and olly were standing. So olly looks at this and goes "Sphen you idiot what do we do if we take a different boat".

Joe and John were identical twins.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it.
He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.
A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her."
"She was a rotten old thing from the beginning."
"Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish."
"She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in more...

Santa and his wife, Jeeto, went on vacation to a resort. One morning, Santa came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. Jeeto decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out a short distance from shore, anchored the boat and started reading a book she had brought with her.
Along comes a guard in his boat - pulls up alongside and asks, "What are you doing out here?"
Jeeto replies, "I'm just reading a book."
"Well, ma'am, this is a restricted area," he says.
Then, he sees all the fishing equipment in the boat and continues, "You can't fish here, ma'am."
To which she replies, "I'm not fishing. I'm merely sitting here reading my book."
"But you have all this equipment, I will have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape."
"Why...I didnt even touch you."
"No, more...

Gotta Take Care of It Now
This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never
seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one
day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is. Predictably,
he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown to the side of the tracks, with some
minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one
evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a
baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an
unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees
what's happened and asks the desert man: "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies: "Man, you more...

There were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the same day Joe's boat sank. A few days later a kindly old woman saw Joe, and mistaking him for John. Said "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible"

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat, said "Fact is, I'm sort of glad to get rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front, too. Every time I used her the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time for the weekend. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow and were willing to pay. The fools all tried to get in her at the same time and split her right down the more...

A father and son went fishing one day. As they sat in the boat for a couple of hours, they did not have much to do. The son started thinking about the world around him. He began to get curious. So, he asked his father some questions.

"How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, but soon came up with another one, "How do fish breathe underwater?"

Once again, the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later, the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he said, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

His father immediately assured him, "Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn more...