Boat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men, a doctor, a minister, and a lawyer take a fishing boat out onto the ocean. A terrible storm arises, and the boat takes a great quantity of water. Fearing that they will all die, they decide that one of them must jump into the shark infested waters so that the other two may live.
The minister volunteers, saying that God will take care of him. He jumps in and is immediately eaten by the sharks.
More water comes into the boat. They decide that one of the two remaining people must jump in. The doctor says "I have spent my entire life healing people, certainly I will survive the ocean." He jumps in and is immediately eaten by the sharks.
A person is walking along the shore line. He sees the boat being pushed by sharks onto the shore. It reaches the shore, and the lawyer steps out calmly. The man runs to the lawyer, and says "hey, what was that all about?"
The lawyer says "Professional courtesy."

The Americans and Japanese decided to engage in a boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance levels. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile.
The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.
The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering: the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared again the following year, the American's team management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance more...

There once was a flood and everyone had reached safety except for one man.

He climbed to the top of his house with the water lapping at his feet.

A helicopter flew over his head and hung down a rope for him to climb, but the man was deeply religious and said, "It's alright! The Lord will save me!"

So the helicopter flew away. The water continued to rise and a boat came to him but, once again, the man shouted, "No! Go AWAY! the Lord will come and save me!" and, once again, the boat sped off.

The water was getting dangerously deep by now so the helicopter came back and, on cue, the man repeated, "I don't need saving! My Lord will come"

Reluctantly, the helicopter left.

The rain continued to pour, the water continued to rise and the man drowned.

At the gates of heaven, the man met St. Peter. Confused, he asked, "Peter, I have lived the life of a faithful man - why did my Lord more...

There is an American, a German, and a Mexican. They are in all in a boat. The boat is about to sink. Each of them have to throw things out to make the boat lighter.The German throws out 4 cases of beer and says, "We have a lot of bear in Germany so we don't need these!" The Mexican throws out 5 cases of burritos and says, "We have a lot of burritos in Mexico so we don't need these!"The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out. The German asks why he threw the Mexican out. And the American replies, "We have a lot of Mexicans in America so we don't need him!."

Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket.
Bill says: "Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver." They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Bush and Reagan get one vote each; Clinton gets six.

There was a blonde, sitting in a rowboat, out in the middle of a huge field. She kept screaming "HELP."
Another blonde happen to be driving by in her car and heard the first blonde yelling for help, so she pulled over to the side of the road to see what was wrong.
She yelled to the blonde sitting in the boat and asked her what was wrong.
The blonde in the boat replied, "I lost the oars and don't know how to get out of here. Can you help me?"
The second blonde replied, "I would but I can't swim!"

American businessman was at a pier in a small coastalMexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow-fintuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality ofhis fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while. The American then asked why didnt he stay out longer andcatch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his familysimmediate needs. The American then asked the Mexican how he spent the rest ofhis time. The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine andplay guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could helpyou. You should spend more time fis hing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from thebigger boat, you could buy several boats, more...