Blow-job Jokes

THE PERFECT DAY - HER
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex - notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY - HIM
6:45 Alarm.
7:00-7:30 Shower and massage.
7:30-7:45 Blow-Job!
7:45-8:15 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30-12:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30-12:45 Blow-Job!
12:45-2:30 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30-6:15 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon more...

WARNING: It will offend you...

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A girl turned 16, and gets her driver's license. She races home and asks her dad if she can use the car that night. Her dad answers,"Sure, if you give me a blow-job".

Shocked, the girl says,"Dad! What are you saying? I'm your daughter!"

Dad says, "It's my car, and if you want to use it, you have to give me a blow-job". After thinking it over, she decides she's waited long enough, so she agrees to her dad's request. He promptly whips it out, and she gets on her knees.

She starts in on the task, when suddenly, she spits his dick out, and exclaims,"aarrgg! There's shit all over your dick!".

Dad slaps himself in the forehead, and says,"Damn, that's right, your brother has the car tonight!".

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Editor's note: This has got to be one of the most disgusting, awful jokes I've ever seen. But somehow I felt compelled to post it anyhow. If more...