Bitch Jokes / Recent Jokes

Father (after being denied access to his children and having all his assets seized): Can I address the court?

Judge: Of course.

Father: If I called you a son of a bitch, what would you do?

Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and sentence you to five days in jail.

Father: What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?

Judge: I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking.

Father: In that case, I think you're a son of a bitch.

One day a boy came home from school, and started his homework(hes in 2nd grade)."one plus one that son of a bitch is two, two plus two that son of a bitch is four"the boy said.The mother was worried, but stupidly se thought that it would go away... The next day the boy came home from school and said "1+1that son of a bitch is 2,2+2that son of a bitch is 4".The mother went to the boys teacher the next day and said"Are you teaching my son 1+1that son of a bitch is 2?"and the teacher says "No." "Im teaching him 1+1the sum of the which is 2... DUH!"

There was an foreign man who knew a little english and lived in a hotel. One day he told the waitress "I wanta fuck" the waitress said "what!!!" I wanta fuck, I wanta fuck on the table." The waitress answered and said "you better not you son of a bitch" so the waitress left mad and never gave him a fork. The next day he went to the manager and said "I wanta shit" the manager said "what!!!" "I wanta shit, I wanta shit on my bed" the manager answered "you better not you son of a bitch" and he never got the sheet he wanted.

One day a boy named Jonny was learnig out to add. When he got home from school, he started to do his homework. So he said out loud,"
2+2, o that sun of a bitch is
4. 3+3, o that sun of a bitch is
6."
As Johnny's mom was walking past his bedroom and heard what he was saying. So his mother called the school asking to speak to Johnny's teacher. She said,"
Are you teaching my son to say bad words while he is doing his homework?"
"
No."
"
Well my little Johnny is saying 2+2 o that sun of a bitch is
4."
Johnny's teacher says,"
No no no! I taught him to say 2+2 o that sum of which is 4!"

How many male chauvinistic pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let the bitch do it by herself. or None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.

How many male chauvinistic pigs does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let the bitch do it by herself. or None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.

You must be surprised that I’m writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month! While filled with illusion I wrote you a letter and I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of rollerblades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year!
Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I’m not going to lie to you, Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street.
There was virtually nothing I wouldn’t do for humanity!
WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A FUCKING YO-YO, A STUPID ASS WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH? YOU’VE TAKEN ME FOR A SUCKER THE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR, TO COME OUT WITH SOME more...