Bitch Jokes / Recent Jokes

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman
Why do hunters make the best lovers?
Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!
How do you piss off a female archeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.
What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can both smell it but can't eat it.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
How can you tell a macho women?
She rolls more...

The Cat in the Blender
Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
Fox in Detox
Who Shat in the Hat?
Horton Hires a Ho
The Flesh-Eating Lorax
How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
Your Colon Can Moo---Can You?
Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch
Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out!
Are You My Proctologist?
Yentl the Lentil
My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket
Aunts in My Pants
Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff!
Horton Fakes an Orgasm
The Grinch's Ten Inches
Green Cheese & Spam
Who Flung Goo on Betty Sue?
Come On I Wanna Lay Ya
Russell the One-Eyed Love Muscle
Please Cane Us in the Anus
Blow Blow Til You See it Grow
Feel It, Find It, Pick It, Flick It
Horton Hears His Neighbors In Bed

The mom calls the husband a "bastard."
Then, the dad calls the wife a "bitch."
Little Billy goes to his mom and says "Mom? what is a bitch and a bastard?"
Mom says "Well, a bitch is a lady and a bastard is a gentlemen."
Later Billy goes outside and hears his neighbors, and hears "Put your penis in my vagina!"
So Billy goes to his mom and says "Mom? What is a penis and vagina?"
His mom says "Well Billy, a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat."
Later, Billy sees his dad shaving and cuts himself and says "Shit!"
Billy said "Dad, what is shit?"
And then his dad says,"Well billy, Shit is a type of Shaving cream."
Billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and says "Fuck!"
Billy says to his mom, "Mom? what is fuck?"
"Well Billy, fuck is a way of cutting the turkey"
Later the guests more...

1. Why did God create woman?
-To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
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2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
-The swallow.
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3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
-Call her.
_____
4. Why do women fake orgasms?
-Because they think men care.
_____
5. What is the definition of "making love"
-Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
_____
6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
-Slow down and use a lubricant.
_____
7. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
- Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your [w]HOLE weak.
_____
8. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
-None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
_____
9. What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B. S. E?
-One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural more...

A bitch meets a man in a tiny street:
the bitch: "
Do you will fuck me?"
the man: "
How??, I'm not money"

Son Of A Bitch Fish A irish priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide holding a net, yelled "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!" Son, I`m a irish priest. Your language is uncalled for! No, irish father, that`s what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish! Really? Well help me land this Son of a Bitch! Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. irish father, that is the biggest Son of a Bitch I`ve ever seen. Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it? Why eat it of course. You`ve never tasted anything as good as that Son of a Bitch! Elated, the irish priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear, and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "irish father!" It`s ok Sister. That`s what kind of fish it is. A Son of a more...

BARBIE'S LETTER TO SANTA: Dear Santa: Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your ass every year, being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and dressing in fake Chanel at sappy tea parties. I hate to break it to ya,' Santa, but it's payback time. There had better be some changes around here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you don't wanna be around to smell it. These are my demands for Christmas 1999:
1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do.
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him, bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump of a boytoy, Ken. And what was up more...