Birmingham Jokes

There was this Punjabi minister (they do not always have to be sardarji) who, on the eve of his goodwill mission to Birmingham, was advised by his Tamilian secretary:' Sarr, be careful with your pronunciation of English words. Don't say diviyun, it is division, not "tallyviyyun, it is television, not maiyyur, it is measure.' And so on.
The minister made careful note of these tricky words. On arrival at Birmingham airport he was welcomed by the Lord Mayor of the city. The Punjabi minister, extending his hand, said,' How nice to meet you, Lord Measure!'

After the Second Coming Jesus returns to Earth.
Within a week he is summoned to the Job Centre and told to find a job.
He is asked to state previous work experience.
He replies that he has done a bit of fishing and some carpentry.
The Clerk checks the computer and finds two job vacancies .
Job one is #200.00 a week as a Carpenter in Birmingham .
The other is as a Fishermen in Galilee at #1,000.00 a week.
The clerk asks him which job he wants to apply for.
After much thought Jesus replies the Birmingham one.
The Clerk tells him again the difference in pay.
He asks him why he doesn't want the Galilee job.
He sighs and says.
" I worked in Galilee once and was hammered with tax (tacks).
Only joking...don't get cross.

It's Friday afternoon and the boss calls his salesman into the office and says that today they could close the big deal he's been working on. But it means the salesman must drive to Birmingham immediately.
Feeling lucky, the salesman immediately jumps in his car an sets of up the M1. He's making very good progress when, all of a sudden, his car breaks down. After having a look, he can see he will need assistance.
He tries the emergency phone - but it's broken. Then he attempts to flag down a passing motorist, but being Friday, they don't care and keep screaming past in their efforts to get home for the weekend.
So he sets of over the fields for help. After a while he comes across a high security double fence in the middle of know where, which he is forced to go around. There are 'Keep Out' and 'Government Property' signs everywhere and guard dogs between the fences.
Shortly he arrives at the entrance gate to the establishment. He asks the guard if he can use the phone. more...