Between Jokes / Recent Jokes
What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you more...
Q: What's the difference between cows and infants?
A: Cows turn water into milk.. . .
Turns out even less separates man from monkey. Research shows chimps know the difference between five chocolates and four. A pint and a quart. But, apparently, they couldn’t tell the difference between Kirstie Alley and a manatee.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...
Whats the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 3, 000 miles!
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
Retired.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb and five to write the environmental impact statement.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
1: How many can you afford?
2: It only takes one to change your bulb... to his.
What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever. Many years ago, a junior partner in a firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney more...