Between Jokes / Recent Jokes
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
"How long will this take?", she asks.
"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"
"Worked for your butt, didn't it?", he replied...
He lived, and with a great deal of therapy may even walk again....
What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
Because all those men already have boyfriends.
What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
$3. 99 a minute.
What is the definition of “making love”?
Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift?
Exchange him.
Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have enough time.
What’s the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
About forty-five minutes.
How many men does it take to shingle a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
Why did God create men?
Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.
What do you do if more...
What is the difference between a horse and a duck? One goes quick and the other goes quack!
Q: What is the definition of an accountant?
A: Someone who solves a problem, you didn`t know you had, in a way you don`t understand.
Q: What does an accountant do for birth control?
A. He talks about his business.
Q: What is an extroverted accountant?
A: One who looks at your shoes while he`s talking to you instead of his own.
Q: What is an insolvency practitioner?
A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
There are just three types of accountants:
Those who can count and those who can`t.
Q: Why did the auditor cross the road?
A: Because he looked in the file and that`s what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don`t?
A: Depreciation.
Q: What is the difference more...
Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
What's the difference between an epileptic oyster fisherman, and a hooker with diahrrea? Well, one shucks between fits.
What's the difference between a nun and a fat lady? One's tryin to diet, and the other's dyin to try it...
Process-Oriented God If God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, so God created a small committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic status in order to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of self-determination according to adjudicatory guidelines. Even God was impressed, and so ended the first day. And God said, “Let the committee draw up a mission statement. ” And behold, the committee decided to prioritize and strategize and God called that process empowerment. And God thought it sounded pretty good. And evening and morning were the second day. And God said, “Let the committee determine goals and objectives and engage in long-term planning. ” Unfortunately, a debate about the semantic differences between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all of the third day. Although the more...