Beng Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Ah Beng went for an job interview for a sales job. When the manager saw Ah Beng's colourful attire, his mind screamed, "Not this man!!"
    Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Beng. So he told Ah Beng, "If you can form a sentence using the words I give you, then I will give you a chance!"
    "The words are "Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black".
    Ah Beng thought for a while and said "I heard the phone go green, green, and then I went to pink up the phone and said Yellow. Blue's that? White did you say? Sorry, wrong number. Don't purplely disturb people and don't call Black, ok?"
    Ah Beng got the job.

    Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea when they were hijacked by a group of pirates. The pirates cornered the 3 men and said "Give us all your valuables!" The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added, "Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!" Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they threw him into the sea. Muthu was equally quick to comply with the pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his valuables and surrendered them to the pirates. Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea. Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at the pirates and sneered. "You all kee see lah! (go and die!) Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my lolex and my JPG warret!" The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea with the rest. In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu commended Ah Beng for his bravery. more...

    During the Japanese Occupation, 3 Singaporeans, Ah Meng, Ah Seng and Ah Beng were caught for smuggling. They were sentenced to death by firing squad. That night, Ah Meng came up with a plan. He told the others that the Japanese were afraid of natural disasters. So he would cause them to panic, and escape in the confusion. The next morning, Ah Meng was led to the wall. The firing squad was lined up and the Captain commanded, "Ready.. Aim..", but before he could complete, Ah Meng shouted, " Earthquake!! Earthquake!" The Japanese soldiers panicked and Ah Meng made his escape. Later, the soldiers took Ah Seng out and the firing squad were ready. The captain commanded, "Ready... Aim..." This time Ah Seng shouted. " Flood! Flood!!" Again, the Japanese soldiers panicked and this time, Ah Seng made his escape. Observing all this, Ah Beng began to get the idea. "It's important to get the timing right." Soon, it was Ah Beng's turn. "Timing, more...

    Ah Beng talks about Singapore history and current affairs... Under the' ang mo' we all live happily together, no complain.
    Malaysia & Singapore is one big family in our brains.
    One day we both like 2 durians cannot get along.
    Got sharp thorns, poke each other, until' buay song.'
    One moment like brothers, can give and take.
    Next moment we kena kicked out by the leg.
    Wah! Our towkay also cry like mad,
    we all also feel very very sad.
    Our neigbours all say,' Wah they all sure to die!
    They got nothing, how to get next bowl of rice?' So' boh pian,' we all work day and night.
    We also join the army so that we can fight.
    We don't care others' see us no up'.
    But actually inside we very pain in the heart.
    Then slowly hor we grow rich and a bit fat.
    Now others talk about us also got some respect.
    They scratch their heads and say
    ' Very funny! Got nothing how come they can still make money?' Last time also got no money more...

    Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't believe? Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng over and said "Ah Beng, here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." to which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! right away!" and rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." and he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." to which Ali said, "Yes Sir, right away Sir." and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here." Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 more...

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