Bear Jokes / Recent Jokes

It seems a pastor from Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting in the mountains. As he turned the corner along the path, he and a bear collided. The pastor stumbled backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain with the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a boulder, sending his rifle in one direction and breaking both legs.
As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out in desperation, "Lord, I'm sorry for what I have done. Please forgive me and save me Lord, please make that bear a Christian."
Suddenly the bear skidded to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and said, "God, bless this food which I am about to receive."

There was a lake near town and there was a fly hovering 6 inches above the water.
In the water there was a fish and the fish said" If the fly would drop 6 inches I could get it".
On the shore there was a bear and the bear said " If the fly would drop 6 inches the fish would go for the fly and I would go for the fish".
Behind the bear was a hunter and the hunter said" If the fly would drop 6 inches the fish would go for the fly the bear would would go for the fish and I would shoot the bear".
Behind the hunter there was a mouse and the mouse said" If the fly would drop 6 inches the fish would go for the fly the bear would go for the fish the hunter would shoot the bear and I would get the cheese sandwich".
Behind the mouse was a cat the cat said" If the fly would drop 6 inches the fish would go for the fly the bear would go for the fish the hunter would shoot the bear the mouse would go for the cheese sandwich and I would more...

You don't have to go faster than the bear, you just have to go faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

What is the best way to hunt bear? With your clothes off

There was a blonde going on a hunting trip. The hunters told her to wait by the truck and they would be back in a minute. The blonde heard a gunshot and out of the woods came the first hunter with a deer hanging over his shoulder. "How did you get that deer?", the blonde asked. "Well I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and shot it. Then the blonde heard a second gunshot. The second hunter came out of the woods with a bear slung over his shoulder. "How did you get that bear?". "Well I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and shot it. Then the blonde asks for his gun determined to get something better than the two hunters. She walked into the woods and she saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and then she got hit by a train.

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.

While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.

Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.

Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint more...

Mom’s Brownies Recipe

Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.

Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.

Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr “no, no. ”

Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.

Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.

Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.

Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat’s tail.

Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.

Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.

Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.

Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.

Pour mixture into well-greased more...