Bear Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two rednecks are hiking through the woods when they spot a grizzly bear in the distance, charging towards them.
One of them stands rooted to the spot, while the other bends down, calmly takes off his boots, and starts to lace up his running shoes.
The first redneck looks over and says to his friend, "Why bother? No one can outrun a bear." His friend looks up and says, "I know that. But all I have to do is outrun you."

A teddy bear was walking on the street.
but it got ran over by a car.
Q: Did you like the joke?
(You)
A:No
Neither did the teddy bear.

A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him.
One summer he invited a lawyer from the Czech Republic to visit. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spent a great deal of time exploring the woods and enjoying the natural setting.
One morning, as the lawyer and his Czech friend were walking through the woods, they were approached by two huge bears -- a male and a female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
Seeing this, the lawyer ran to his Mercedes and sped for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed a high-powered rifle and they raced back to the berry patch. Luckily, the bears were still there.
"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, more...

Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing no more than 50 feet in front of them.
The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes, then began to furiously attempt to lace them up as the bear slowly approached them.
The second man looked at the first, confused, and said, "What are you doing? Running shoes aren't going to help, you can't outrun that bear."
"I don't need to," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for the bear. He soon found a huge one, shot at it, but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, and he started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast, but teh bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door, and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"

: How do you hire a teddy bear? A: Put him on stilts! Q: What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle? A: A polo bear! Q: Why do polo bears like bald men? A: Because they have a great, white, bear place! Q: What do polo bears have for lunch? A: Ice burger! Q: What's a teddy bears favorite pasta? A: Tagliateddy! Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A: They both have' the' as their middle names! Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet? A: It lives on ice! Q: Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo? A: Because they'd rather go to the cinema! Q: What is a bear's favorite drink? A: Koka-Koala! Q: Why was the little bear so spoiled? A: Because its mother panda'd to its every whim!

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says,' 'Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.''
The bear replies,' 'If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there.''
The bartender says,' 'Go ahead.''
So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says,' 'Sorry, we don't give beer to bears on drugs.''
''What do mean,'' says the bear.' 'I'm not on drugs.''
''Yes, you are, that was the barbituate.''